rh oc fics

a heart to heart

cw: major themes of transphobia & implied abuse

(thank you kyupid for proofreading and help with the title! <3)

~

Kiran had missed this. Despite everything- the arguments, the screaming, his parents blatant unacceptance, he'd missed being close to his mother so much. Sitting at the vanity in his old room, his mother brushing her fingers gently through his hair and it felt like he was a kid again, back when they were still close.

But he knew it wouldn't last, their relationship was nothing like what it was before. And it didn't last.

"I'm so glad you grew your hair out again. You know, I was so glad to have another girl after your brothers, and you know how much of a tomboy your sister is.." His mother let out a gentle sigh as her hands continued to card through his hair, but now it felt confining. It was no longer affectionate but trapping him in her grasp. "It was like having my own little dress up doll, all the cute dresses I put you in," she continued with a breathy laugh, "my beautiful daughter, I showed you off to everyone. I'm so glad you've come to your senses about this whole.. situation. I knew you would eventually, I trusted you."

Kiran jerked his head out of reach of his mother's grasp, but her fingertips remained entangled in his hair. "Mama, it's not- I'm not-" He struggled to get the words out, he found it impossible to talk with her, to reason with her.

His father only shouted hollow, empty insults, words he could shut out and ignore. He'd never been close with his father, always away working on some new film or project, and his opinion meant nothing to them. But his mother was different. As long as he could remember, he'd always been by her side. She home-schooled them, fed them, watched over him as he slept. She meant something to him.

She sighed, again, a longer sigh, as her hands gripped into his hair a little more tightly, not enough to hurt, but enough to feel like a threat. "I thought we'd moved past this. Please, don't do this to me, you know it's for your own good, right? You know I only want what's best for you? Right?" His mother's tone shifted slightly- only a fraction, but he recognised it. He knew every infliction of her voice, what every change of tone and shifted expression meant. But she had to understand.

"Mama. I'm still a boy."

"No boy looks like you."

He froze. She'd never been so cruel about it before, she'd never spoken to them like that before.

"Even if you're so deluded, you look like a girl. You are a girl. You'll never be a boy, especially not looking the way you do. You'll never be a boy." Her tone had turned cold and he didn't dare turn around to look her in the eyes.

"I'm a boy."

"Why do you do this to me? Do you want to hurt me? Do you? After everything I've done for you, and you spite me like this. You're so cruel to me, do you know that? Do you like seeing me like this? I tried my best to raise you right, God knows I did, where did I go wrong with you?" Her voice sounded like she was crying, and although he knew better than to believe her, the sound still hurt them.

Kiran shut his eyes tight as she kept speaking, refusing to let his mind linger on a single word she spoke. Every accusation felt like a knife in his chest and he couldn't stand it. He just wanted this conversation to be over, he wanted to be out of this house, out of this city- back in his dorm at Rainbow High, back in Amethyst's room in Scotland, back with Nita and her family, just anywhere, anywhere but here. "I'm sorry."

"You don't appreciate how much I cared for you, how much I sacrificed for you, only to have you turn out like this. I wanted a normal child, I wanted my beautiful baby girl."

"Mama, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She stopped speaking for a moment, only to pull Kiran closer to her again and continue stroking his hair. "You'll come to your senses soon. You'll see how silly this all is."

"Okay."

"You'll see how wrong you are now, and you'll be happier after."

"Okay."

She stood, hugging him from behind, kissing him softly on the crown of his head. Kiran refused to move.

"Dinner will be soon," She spoke as if nothing had just happened and it made Kiran want to cry even more, "I'll come get you. Finish unpacking, okay?"

Kiran stayed silent as she took a few moments too long to release him from her grasp, taking even longer to leave the room. As soon as the door clicked shut, Kiran finally felt safe enough to break out into tears. Sometimes he felt like she was right about everything.