"No," he rumbled in my ear. "I have to fuck you. Now."
"Why? Are you marking your territory?" I'd only been half serious with the comment, but he pulled back and the look in his eyes said that was exactly what he was doing.
I wriggled out of his gr...
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Chapter Fifteen
As I imagined would be the case, Shawn was eager for my moving in to commence immediately. Correction-immediately after another round of lovemaking. Bursting with an excitement I’d never seen from him before, he made arrangements with “his people,” and by the end of Saturday, the relatively few things I owned had been boxed and brought over to The Bowery. It happened so fast that the anxiety of it didn’t even have time to overwhelm me, and whenever I felt it creeping up, I simply promised to deal with it at my Addicts Anonymous session on Monday.
It was easy to unpack. Almost all my belongings fit in the extra closet in the bedroom-our bedroom. Only one item, a hope chest that had belonged to my mother, found its way to the extra room. I was completely settled by Sunday evening, and the sore muscles I boasted were not from carrying boxes but from other physical activity.
Monday came too soon, yet wasn’t dreadful since I adored our wake-up routine. Our cell alarms going off in tandem, a quickie in the shower, getting ready side by side at the twin sinks, sharing a fast bite at the kitchen table-all of it rocked. The still thrilling newness of it combined with the security of knowing the situation wasn’t temporary sent me to the club with a spring in my step, a rarity for me since I had never been anything near a morning person.
Since I was in such a good mood, I began my workday by tackling what felt like the most daunting of my tasks: rescheduling with Aaron Trent. I had suspected that the only reason he’d agreed to meet with me in the first place was because of Shawn. When he’d canceled on Friday night, my suspicions were confirmed. All it would take was one call from my boyfriend and I knew the meeting would be back on. But I wanted to do it myself.
Since I didn’t have a direct phone number to Trent’s office, and I didn’t want to ask Shawn, I had to use the agency number listed on his website. It took two transfers before I reached Trent’s assistant. “I need to make an appointment with Aaron Trent. Is that something you can help me with?”
The voice on the other end was bubbly and professional. “I can take your information, but I’ll have to check with him before any meeting time is approved.”
“That makes sense.” I ran my hand over my face. Why on earth did I ever think I’d be able to get to talk to the man myself? Despite the futility of it, I delivered my information. “This is Beyoncé Knowles from The Sky-“
“Ms. Knowles ,” Bubbly Professional cut me off. “I didn’t realize it was you. Mr. Trent said if you called that we could go ahead and reschedule for whenever would be most convenient for you.”
“Oh. Okay.” So maybe he hadn’t been planning to bail on me after all. I was pleasantly surprised. Not that I was fooled that his eagerness to meet had anything to do with me and nothing to do with whom I was sleeping with, but I also knew if I had him in front of me, I could impress the balls off the guy.
We made arrangements for an evening later in the week, but before I hung up, I asked the question itching on my tongue. “Hey, do you have any idea why Mr. Trent canceled to begin with? I know it’s none of my business. Just curious.”
Bubbly Professional seemed surprised. “Mr. Trent didn’t cancel. Some woman from your club called Friday afternoon and said something had come up. I’d assumed it was you.”
That was impossible. No one even knew I had the meeting that night except for Kendrick and Shawn. And last I checked, neither of them were women. “It wasn’t me. Are you sure?”
“Yep. I took the call myself.”
Either someone had canceled my meeting on Friday without my permission or I was seriously being pranked. Whichever it was, Bubbly Professional didn’t need to hang on the line while I figured it out. “My mistake. Thank you and please apologize to Mr. Trent for any inconvenience it may have caused him.”
“Honestly,” her voice lowered as if she were sharing a secret, “this worked out better for him. He would have had to miss out on a daddy daughter dance if you’d kept the Friday appointment, and Rachel’s the type of girl that doesn’t take disappointment well. So you kind of did him a favor by canceling.”
Ah, so it was probably Rachel Trent who canceled. I’d never been close to my father, but I could appreciate her wanting to be with her dad. I’d definitely done things equally as manipulative as a teen.
I thanked Bubbly Professional for the information, hung up the phone, and moved on to the other items on my day’s agenda.
It was nearly three when the bell rang at the service entrance. I checked the camera feed since we weren’t expecting any deliveries. It was Megan .
“Be right there,” I told her through the intercom then ran down to let her in.
I opened the door and opened my arms for Megan to give me a bear hug. She was one of the only people I allowed to touch me so intimately and only on my terms.
“What are you doing here so early?” I asked into her hair. “Do you work tonight?”
“Nope. Off tonight.” She let me go to give me a high five. “We could hang out later, if you want.”
“I do want. I have group at five-thirty. Maybe after that?”
“Groovy. I just had coffee with some friends next door. They want me to go to a concert with them so I came by to check out next week’s schedule. Is it up yet?”
“Yeah, I think I saw it. Come on up.”
We climbed the back stairs to the office. I found the schedule on Kendrick ’s mess of a desk and turned around to hand it to her and jumped when I saw a figure in the doorway. Another half second and I realized it was Shawn. I’d almost forgotten he had his own set of keys.
“Hi! What are you doing here?” It was a nice surprise to see him unannounced in the middle of the day, though also odd.
His expression was even. ”You need to come with me.”
“Why? What’s up?” I took a step toward him before I recognized the tension in his body, the firm set of his jaw, the light missing from his eyes. “Hey, are you mad at me?” He’d never truly been upset with me before. Not like this, where the anger rolled off him in waves so thick it was almost palpable.
“Get your things and come.” He spit out the words, as if it was difficult to speak civilly.
“That bossy thing is so hot.” Megan didn’t even bother whispering.
Admittedly there were times I thought the bossy thing was definitely so hot. This was not one of them. His tone and body language scared me. I didn’t believe he’d ever hurt me-not physically, and not on purpose-but his agitated state suggested he didn’t have control of himself.
I crossed my hands over my chest defiantly. “Shawn, I’m not leaving just because you say so. I need more information.”
“Beyoncé , I’m not doing this here.” He was shaking. I’d never seen him so upset. “You will get your things and come. Now.” It wasn’t a suggestion. It wasn’t an invitation. It wasn’t even an order. It was fact. It was what I would do, as expected as my next breath.
He had to know.
The certainty rushed through me at lightning speed, leaving me dizzy and weak.
I couldn’t say how or which of my secrets he’d discovered, but there was no doubt in my mind that he had found something out, and I understood with irrefutable conviction that if I had any real interest in our relationship then I needed to do as he said. Shawn had reasons to be mad at me-very real, very valid reasons. And if I wanted to salvage what we had, I’d have to take his wrath. I deserved it. I owed it to him.
I started toward my purse, ready to leave at his side when I remembered Megan . “I, I have an employee here and I’m the only other person here. Kendrick ’s not due in until five.”
“It’s fine, Bey.” Megan flashed me the palm of her hand and I could see pen marks that I guessed were her schedule. “I got what I needed. I’ll leave with you.”
It was almost comical that Megan didn’t understand the gravity of Shawn’s mood, that she took it for granted that his behavior was commonplace and that I welcomed it. But I was too mortified to laugh. Too deeply disgraced.
I swallowed down the thick ball in my throat and looked to Shawn, not meeting his eyes. “I need to close everything up. I unlocked the bar when I got a soft drink earlier and the computers are still up-“
Shawn’s hands were balled into fists at his sides. His patience was wearing. “Text Kendrick and tell him I required you to leave on short notice. Alarm the main door. It’ll be fine.” Tersely, he added, “I doubt Kendrick will care.”
Was it Kendrick , then? Was that what this was about? Or was I reading into things?
I was in a daze as we walked out, my feet moving automatically while Megan chatted nonstop about the new bartender. I’m sure that I nodded and said, “Uh-huh,” at the appropriate times because she didn’t call me out on my lack of attention.
At the door, it took me three tries before my unsteady hands entered the alarm code correctly. We stepped outside into the daylight, the sun blinding after the dark of the club. Megan squeezed my hand in goodbye. “I’ll take a rain check on that girls’ night out. Have fun with Mr. Dominant.” She wiggled her eyebrows before she took off toward the subway station.
I looked to the curb and realized there were no familiar cars waiting for us. When I turned back to Shawn, he was walking toward the other shops, already several feet away. I jogged to catch up with him but slowed my speed before I got to his side. It was easier to avoid his gaze if I were a step behind him.
We walked in silence and my mind struggled to get a grip on the situation. We were headed to Central Parking. He must have driven himself, probably parked in one of the club’s designated parking spots. He usually only drove himself for sport, and he didn’t really seem in the “for sport” mood. He must be driverless for another reason. Like, he’d been so worked up he couldn’t even wait for a ride to be arranged. He simply took off, in a rage. I tried to imagine it-him at his office, immersed in working when-what? What had happened to make him drop everything and drive himself to find me? But wasn’t that the million dollar question? Well, we were talking about Shawn Carter-100 million dollar question was more like it.
At the garage, Shawn clicked the security button on his key ring, and the Maybach announced its presence, parked, as I’d guessed, in one of the club’s two VIP spots that were rarely taken. Despite his chilly attitude, he opened the passenger door for me and reminded me to text Kendrick before walking around to the driver’s side.
I punched a quick message into my phone that I prayed made sense without sounding like I was in trouble. But wasn’t I? In big trouble?
No, why should I be? Just because I was in love with the man, because we had some unspoken commitment to each other that I had broken with my secrets-none of that meant that I had to sit by like a wayward child waiting for her punishment. I was a big girl. Sure, I had to take responsibility for my actions, but I didn’t deserve to be in the dark, handled with hostility and rage.
We’d just pulled out of the garage when I decided to take a stand. “What’s going on?” I was met with silence. “Shawn?”
“I’m not ready to talk about this yet.” The vein in his neck twitched. I’d never seen him like that. Not even when he’d accused me of being involved with Kendrick .
Kendrick . If I had to make a guess, I was betting that was the source of his ire. Still, I played it cautiously, giving nothing away, even though a part of me wanted to spill everything, tell Shawn every little moment of betrayal. But I was too frightened that I’d lose him, so instead I delivered a generic plea. “Whatever it is I did, I’m sorry. I’m sorry and I’ll do whatever I have to do to fix it.”
A cabbie honked as Shawn switched lanes, pulling out in front of him. “Beyoncé , I can’t talk about this while I’m driving.”
He accelerated through a yellow light and I braced myself against the console. “Yeah, good idea. Focus on the road because you’re scaring me.”
The look he shot me was pure fury. “Good. Maybe you should be scared.”
I didn’t try to talk after that. His driving didn’t improve, even in the silence, and I was grateful it was a short distance to The Bowery. I hadn’t even been aware the underground parking existed until we’d entered the tunnel and parked next to his Mercedes. Huh, I’d wondered where he kept that when he wasn’t using it.
Being with Shawn, I’d gotten used to doors being opened for me, but I hopped out the minute the car stopped. He might be mad, and I might deserve it, but I didn’t have to take it like a pu**y.
We rode the elevator in sharp silence. In the penthouse, Shawn headed straight for the bar. I followed, my arms folded over my chest, and waited for him to decide that he was ready to talk.
He'd poured and drank half of his Scotch before facing me. “Tell me one thing. One thing and think carefully before you answer because I want to believe what you tell me.” His voice was even, measured.
I leaned against the back of the couch, bracing myself.
“Are you still in love with him?”
So it was Kendrick . How Shawn had found out was beyond me. I couldn’t imagine Kendrick sidling up to his boss and sharing the sexual adventures he’d had with me. Especially when Kendrick had ended things specifically so Shawn would never find out.
However he’d figured it out, it didn’t matter. What mattered was setting the record straight now. “No, I’m not. I was never in love with him.”
Shawn closed his eyes briefly, almost as though he were relieved. But when he opened them again, the stone coldness remained from before. “Then whatever it was-attraction, obsession. Do you still feel that for him?”
“I never felt any of that for him. He was safe. We messed around a few times.” I winced at Shawn’s hurt expression. “That’s really the extent of it. Really and truly. He was just a guy I had chemistry with but not enough to drive me crazy.” Not like you. Never like you.
“Then why did he file a restraining order?”
A whoosh of air swept through my ears, leaving me lightheaded. Dizzy. “Wait, who are you talking about?” The only restraining order I’d had was with Paul. And the secret that I was working with Paul was much heavier than the Kendrick thing.
My fingers curled into the sofa behind me as I waited for him to say the name I knew he’d say.
“Paul Kresh.”
“Oh.” I nodded slowly for several seconds. “Oh.” There was nothing else to say. I had no reaction, I had no defense. “You found out about Paul.”
His teeth gritted. I could hear as he ground them together. “Since you know I’m already aware of your past with Paul, you must be referring to the fact that he’s a partner in Party Planners Plus.”
I shook my head.
“You didn’t know?” There was hope in his tone. He wanted me to not know.
But I couldn’t lie. It was one thing to keep it from him, quite another to lie outright. “Well, he’s not technically a partner, so that’s not a fair question.”
“Dammit, Beyoncé . Don’t hedge around the facts. Because I’d like to think that you would never do something so stupid as to sign a deal that would put you in close working proximity with someone that you are legally not supposed to be anywhere near. The Beyoncé I know would never do something so brainless.”
But I had signed the deal. That morning, in fact. “Guess you don’t really know me.”
He slammed his empty glass on the bar. “This is not a f**king game!”
“Don’t you think I know that?” I raised my voice to match his. “I’m the one who has the restraining order. I get the seriousness of the situation.” I pointed my finger into my chest at each mention of the word I so forcefully, I knew it would bruise.
“Then why?” His eyes were pleading. “You can’t have been that desperate to sign a deal. I had thought-I’d hoped-that you didn’t realize that Kresh was engaged to Julie Swaggert-“
“Engaged? I thought they were just dating.”
The look on his face said that wasn’t the thing to say.
I quickly corrected. “Which doesn’t matter, I know. I didn’t mean to seem interested, because I’m not. I’m not, Shawn. I don’t care what or whom he’s with. It’s only that he didn’t say they were engaged when we talked.”
“You talked to him?”
I hadn’t thought he could be more enraged. Turned out I was wrong.
“So help me god, Beyoncé , you better say it was on the phone.”
Lie, lie, lie. It was a song in my head, repeating the same refrain. I willed myself to ignore it. “It wasn’t. It was in person.”
He stepped toward me, his hands poised like he wanted to wring my neck. “Dammit, Beyoncé ! What the f**k were you thinking?”
“Stop yelling at me and I’ll explain.” Even though I knew he wouldn’t hit me, his rage wasn’t productive. And as mad as he was, I was afraid he wouldn’t get past his anger. That he’d end things for sure. I needed a hint that there was a chance we weren’t over.
“I’m waiting.” His volume was lower, but his demeanor hadn’t changed in the least.
“I’m not saying anything until you calm down. You’re scaring me.”
He looked as though I’d slapped him. “That’s fair.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But this is as calm as I’m going to get.”
I swallowed. “I, um, had the meeting with Julia. On Thursday. And I didn’t know she was involved with Paul. But then at the end he showed up and I was totally unprepared.” A chill ran through me at the memory of seeing him in the club, at the shock I’d felt. “He acted like he didn’t know me so I followed his lead. And then when Julia went off to the bathroom, Paul told me he didn’t want to ruin the deal for her and so we had to pretend we’d never met.”
I stepped toward Shawn, hating the look on his face, wanting him to be comforted. “I told him I couldn’t work with him, Shawn, and he said I had to. He said Julia was dying to work with Carter Industries and this was her in and if I screwed it up…” I bit my lip and tasted blood. “He said I owed him.”
“Beyoncé , you don’t f**king owe him anything.” His voice was still harsh, but less so.
My eyes stung. “I do! I ruined his life.”
“He cheated on his fiancé He ruined his own life.”
“But there’s more to it than that, and you know it.”
“You still don’t owe him shit. You were sick. You weren’t responsible for what you were doing.”
I took that in. I had been sick. I hadn’t been in control of my actions. I knew this. I’d accepted this in therapy.
But that didn’t change anything. “It doesn’t matter. Even if I don’t owe him, he has this over my head. He could say that I set up the meeting simply to get to him. I mean, I didn’t, but it could look that way.” I chuckled harshly. “Even you thought that I did. And then he was there again that night at the Botanic Gardens. It looks like I could have been following him. Who’s going to believe me over him?”
I’d been avoiding his eyes, but I met them now. “If I violate that order again, I could see jail time.” Not to mention what could happen to Shawn in the media. He’d be the joke of the town.
“Beyoncé .” He closed the short distance between us in two quick steps and wrapped his arms around me.
I hadn’t realized how close my tears were to the surface until I was safe and in his arms. I cried softly into his shoulder, not only because of what I’d done or because of the pressure I’d been under keeping it in, but because he was holding me. They were tears of relief.
Shawn pulled me in even tighter. “Why didn’t you come to me? I would never let anything bad happen to you. Never. You have to know that, don’t you?”
I turned my face so my words wouldn’t get lost in the material of his suit jacket. “I got scared. Of what he could do to me. Of what he could do to you.” The long strokes he ran along my back made it easy to keep talking, easy to confess. “And I wanted you to be proud of me. Of the deal I made.”
He pushed me away suddenly and gripped my upper arms. Bending to catch my gaze, he said, “I’m always proud of you, Beyoncé . Always.”
It broke me. Again.
I clutched on to his shirt inside his open jacket. “I should have told you. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do and I wanted to tell you. Please, don’t be mad at me.”
Softly, he shushed me. “Don’t. Don’t cry, precious.” He held me as I cried. When I was calmer, he said, “I’m only mad because you put yourself in danger. You scared me. You can’t imagine what I felt when the background report came across my desk and I realized the situation. Don’t you know I couldn’t stand it if anything bad happened to you?” His voice cracked.
“Yes, I know.” It was exactly how I’d feel if something happened to him.
“And I’m mad because you didn’t come to me.”
“I wanted to. I did. But Ma-“ I almost mentioned Maria, stopping myself right before I did. I didn’t think it was a good time to add that secret to the mix. “But I didn’t want you to have to get in the middle of my mess.”
I pulled away, looking aimlessly for a tissue.
Shawn pulled a handkerchief from his pocket. Who the hell carried handkerchiefs? There was still so much to learn about this man.
“Don’t be silly,” he said, dabbing at my eyes. “First of all, I own The Sky Launch so I’m legally responsible for anything that goes on in regards to employees and the people they interact with.”
I hadn’t thought of that.
He ran his thumb gently down the side of my face. “But more importantly, if you’re in a mess of any sort, then so am I. Not legally. But because you’re mine. And I’m yours. And that means I’m tied to you in every way. Good and bad. If you can’t see that, then we have no chance.”
Oh, god. The enormity of it hit me. I’d put all we had in jeopardy, put us at risk. “I really f**ked everything up.” I felt the color leave my face. “Oh, god, Shawn.”
He tilted my chin up with one finger and kissed my nose. “You didn’t f**k everything up. I can fix it. Now that I know.”
“What will you do?” I had a brief flash of men in trench coats meeting up with Paul in a dark alley. Sad that the thought brought a smile to my face.
“I wouldn’t do anything illegal, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
Damn, he could read me so well.
“I’ll offer Party Planners Plus a deal with Cartier in exchange for terminating the contract with The Sky Launch. Cartier is a bigger name and can offer a better payout. They’ll still be working with the Carter name. Kresh will have nothing to complain about.”
“Good plan. Thank you.” If I’d only come to Shawn in the first place, he would have arranged a deal like this and I wouldn’t have put anyone-myself-in a precarious position. My stomach churned with self-loathing. “I’m sorry, Shawn. I’m sorry you have to clean up my mess. I’m such an idiot.”
“Shush up.” His arms were around me again, holding me, comforting me when it was the last thing I deserved. “Stop feeling guilty. It’s our mess, remember? And I want to clean it up. It’s one of the things I’m capable of. Let me.”
“All right.” I took a deep breath, letting all my worry and regret out as I exhaled. “All right, I’ll let
Author's note:
At this point this Mariah bullsh*t will probably blow up in her face 😭🤣
