Everything Has Changed

As I'm sitting here, beginning to start writing this right now on some grassy field with little kids screaming and kicking soccer balls and Panic! At The Disco blaring in my ears, I'm thinking about how everything went from perfect to definitely not okay all in a matter of minutes. I'm putting my feelings here on the Internet for everyone to read. This is very personal for me but I need to put my feelings somewhere. So... here they are.

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I thought eighth grade was going to be the year.

I had the best of friends, I was a webleader, (webleaders helped all the new sixth graders around the school and helped them feel better about middle school), and I was in my last year of middle school. My books were becoming somewhat popular on Wattpad.

I had a whole new demeanor of life.

I became genuinely happy for once in my life.

The year started great. I went to an R5 concert, which was amazing because I got to touch Riker (the bassist, in the picture he's on the left). I became friends with a lot of new people. One of them included this amazing guy, Carl (named changed for privacy reasons). Carl is truly incredible, I'm telling you. Carl is so cool and nice and funny and has this really hot deep voice that you can't help but love. Sometimes I wish I had a crush on him. Sometimes I wish I wasn't into assholes.

Instead of Carl, I developed a crush on this guy after I had dreams with him in them several times. His name is Ricardo (name also changed for privacy reasons). (My friends are going to tease me for life about this and might be angry because I posted it on the Internet before telling them) He has the most beautiful eyes and the softest hair I've ever seen. Other than Ross Lynch. Actually, scratch that. His eyes and hair are BETTER than Ross's. And that's saying something.

However, he's a douche 99.8% of the time. There's that 0.2% where he wasn't, he was sweet and vulnerable.

I should probably explain the first dream I had.

At first, I've never talked to this guy before. I just knew he was in my band, gym, and Spanish class.

So imagine how I felt when I go home into the safety of my bed and dreamland to find him there.

The dream was... strange.

It startled me because in the dream, I actually liked Ricardo. I kissed him and ran my fingers through his hair.

And then he died.

But he came back to life so everything was okay!

He basically broke up with my sister because he liked me instead of her.

Confusing, I know.

The whole point was that I liked Ricardo.

And I was actually okay with it.

The next day I went to school and was getting my stuff out of my locker like I did everyday. Then I'm tapped on the shoulder.

At first I thought it was Shelby, my I-don't-know-where-we-stand-now-but-I'll-explain-later friend who always tapped me somewhere on my body.

I turned to see Ricardo though. It was as if his beautiful hazel eyes were staring into my soul.

"Do you know if we have Spanish homework?"

That simple sentence started a weird friendship.

My friends believe that he's in love with me. And sometimes, even I think so. Sometimes, I wished he did.