"Delusions, Anxiety, Paranoia, Self harm and Depression." Miss. Saline looks up at my mom then at me. I tug at the end of my sweater sleeves nervously. She looks back at my mom. "Is that correct?" I glace at my mom to see her nodding stiffly. I look back down at my feet.
"We've tried everything." My mom sounds desperate. " This is our last option."
Miss. Saline nods knowingly. "Well our program is the best in the nation. Our methods are almost always successful." She shoots me another look then stands up to shake my moms hand. My mom stands as well and shakes it. "Now I'll give you two a minute to say goodbye until I have to pull your mom away to go through some paperwork." She addresses me this time and I hate that she talks to me like I'm three year old. Miss. Saline walks out of the room and shuts the door quietly behind her. The room remains silent for a few seconds before Mom takes a deep breath.
"You know this is for your own good." I nod. "Good." She pulls me into a tight hug. This is hard for her. She really has done a lot to try and fix me. "I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm sorry." I nod again. " I love you." She whispers in my ear before grabbing her purse and leaving the room quickly, wiping away tears as she goes.
It's a couple minutes before Miss Saline enters the room again. She sits in front of me and makes sure to look me in the eye, speaking clearly and slowly. "Don't worry your going to love it here." I scowl. I wish she'd treat me like I'm not a total idiot. She smiles gently at me. "Now I'm going to call some one in to take you to your room and get you all situated. Alright?" I look away. Apparently she takes that as a yes because a few second latter a pretty, young lady with pale blue scrubs and an ear to ear smile walks into the room. "This is Misty. Go with her and she'll show you your room." I shoot one more scowl at Miss Saline before getting up and following Misty out of the room.
The hallway outside is painted a light blue with colorful murals painted on them. The bright Florissant lights make the white tile brighter then it really is and it almost hurts my eyes. The hallway is fairly empty and out footsteps echo down the hall. Misty's trying to talk to me but I ignore her. The longer we walk the more people I see, some are wearing the same scrubs as Misty and some are wearing sweats, t-shirts and jackets marking them as patients.
Finally we stop in front of a door labeled 109 Samantha. Misty opens the door and walks in . I follow behind her and she flips on a light switch.
The rooms wall are a nice peach color and the floor is covered by a soft tan carpet. In the center of the far wall is a twin sized bed with white sheets. There is a small white night stand by the bed and a matching dresser pushed against the right wall. On the left is a door leading to my own bathroom. There's no window.
I sit on the bed and notice my suitcase at the foot of it. I grab it and lay it on my bed, opening it. I'm relieved to see my books exactly where I had put them. Taking them out I clutch my favorite to my chest. I lower my book when I hear a chuckle and realize Misty hasn't left the room yet,
Embarrassed I turn around quickly, blushing profusely. "It's okay." She smiles at me. "I have the same reaction when I'm really into a good book." I smile slightly at that. "Well push that button if you need anything." She points to a large red circle on the wall. "You have time to yourself until I come and get you for dinner." She shoots me one more smile before leaving the room shutting the door behind her.
It doesn't take long for me to unpack my few measly possessions since we aren't allowed to bring clothes. I get dressed into a pair of sweats I find in a drawer and throw on a tank top. When I'm done I inspect myself in the bathroom mirror. My waist length black hair was recently chopped short and I missed the length. My large greenish blue eyes made me look like a scared child and my slim small figure didn't help to make me look older. I go back to my room and lay back on the bed and prepare myself to enjoy my stay at the Nixon Psychiatric unit for troubled youth.
An hour later Misty knocked on my door for dinner. She walked me down to the cafeteria. I room was painted a bright yellow and had a high ceiling. There were light brown tables sat in a U formation with a long counter on one side making it a square. Other patients were scattered around the room and you can tell that some were definitely more crazy than others. While there were a few groups that were laughing and talking there were also some loners rocking back and forth in the corners of the room with attendants by their sides.
Misty steers me to the counter where nice looking men and women are scooping food onto trays. I was given several different options but went with only a piece of toast. When Misty saw my meal choice she took me back to the counter where she placed a salad and a burger on my tray.
When I went to sit down I noticed that there was at least one person at every table. I stopped walking, not wanting to upset anyone by sitting by them. Misty came up behind me and guided me to a table with four people at it who were laughing and talking. They look up at me when we near and the only girl out of the four grins at me. Everyone looks at me waiting for me to ask if I can sit there but I look down and scuff my shoe on the ground.
Misty decides to talk for me. " Samantha here was wondering if you would mind if she sat here."
The boy with blonde hair and blue eyes smiles at me. "Of course." He says then gestures at an empty chair. I sit and start to pick at my food not really that hungry. "I'm Josh." The blonde guy says sticking out his hand. I ignore it but give him a slight smile. He drops his hand and continues talking. "This is Tyler." He points to the guy with brown hair, brown eyes and thin muscles. "That's Kyle." He points to a guy with black hair and dark eyes. Kyle looks away from me quickly. "And this is-"
"My name's Nina." The girl cuts off Josh to say. She has wild red hair and bright blue eyes. She's probably a couple inches taller than I am, but I can't really tell with her sitting down. I instantly mark her and Josh as the friendly ones in the group. For the most part they seem pretty normal. I have no idea why they're in this place.
Throughout lunch Nina and Josh both attempt to start up a conversation with me but I don't respond. I usually don't talk. It's not that I can't talk it's that I don't want to talk. I just don't talk. Probably because whenever I do I get shipped to places like this.
It all started when I was probably about two or three. I started laughing at seemingly empty corners. When I was a bit older they turned into imaginary friends. After that I had nightmares and delusions. Of course to me the corners were never empty, my friends were real, and I'm a completely sane person. My mom always said I was special but after my dad died she couldn't put up with me anymore. She sent me to shrink after shrink but none of it worked. I told her I was getting better but she couldn't ignore my nightmares or anxiety attacks.
I don't know who they were. The people that I saw. They used to be nice and friendly. Then they started using me. Hurting me.
I shake myself from my thoughts and look around the table. Everyone was looking at me. I ignored them. I distracted myself by looking around the lunch room. I familiarized myself with the room and studied every corner. It was all bright colors and cheery attitudes. At least it was until I saw him. Or should I say it. It was standing in the corner staring at me. It's black eyes gave it away for what it was. It was a ghost. I took deep hyperventilating breathes, trying to calm myself down. My eyes are focused on the ghost and a sudden, overwhelming feeling of fear overtakes me.
I'm shaking, rocking back and forth, whimpering. I know what comes next.
