First stop, "Break the Casanova's Heart Operation"
This story is written by the wattpad writer with a pseudonym of "Alyloony"
Let's not go into the details of the story, I want to go through with my criticism. Besides, I may be a spoiler if I'll still tell how the story went.
I'm not that good though, just trying. :)
Title:
It was "Break the Cassanova's Heart Operation" before. If a reader is a keen observer, s/he will notice that "Cassanova" was mispelled. It shoud be "Casanova" Good thing, Ms. Aly noticed the mistake and changed it. :)
Characters:
The characters are well-developed. May certain characteristics kasi sila na madaling i-distinguish plus the specification of who's who in the POV. Hence, the use of First Person POV.
Gustong-gusto ko ang kabaliwan ng mga character. Pati yung effort ng mga male characters.
The characters are dynamic-- meaning, they fit-in with the situation, and as 'dynamic' is, they change attitudes as needed by the context.
Aly has to work with some of her common 'fillers' lang. Like the word 'then.' Every character kasi, may line na, "...then" to precede or succeed a line. It's one of the faulty errors na nakita ko. I think, she has to work on how to put a demarcation line between her and the dialogues she writes. It's a common error anyway. Avoid having 'mannerisms' in writing. :)
Emotions:
The emotions are well-delivered, no doubt on that. Mapapaluha kung nakakaluha ang scene, mapapaiyak kung nakakaiyak ang scene, and the like. Kailangan lang na maging mas malalim pa ang reasons for the cries to be more realistic. :)
Plot:
The plot is in en media res. The real conflict arose in the middle of the story na kasi. Casanova plot is a cliche since matagal nang panahong ginagamit ang mga womanizer sa isang story but Aly has this intelligent way of making the story catchy-- the use of the essence of the title, "Break the Casanova's Heart Operation' rules.
General Structure:
As I said on my comments, Aly writes by/with heart which makes her dialogues powerful.
I found some grammatical flaws. They're tolerable naman. Filipinos are not native English speakers and she's a Filipina so that's understable.
I suggest her to avoid 'writing mannerism' like always putting 'just', 'then', and the like. Be consistent with the tense of verb used-- either present or past tense. And it's gonna be better to write using active voice (the subject is the doer of the action and not the receiver) when using English.
Observe proper punctuation din po. Doing so is one of the most neglected writing practices but if we really want to grow in writing, we have to conform on doing this little thing.
Recommendations:
Work on simple and little details. Research more. Minsan kasi because we don't do research, nakalalagay tayo ng mga maling detail sa stories natin. The thing is, always remember na may readers. Please remember that writers are influential to readers and readers are not just readers, they also write their own stories, and they may set you as a reliable example. How if mali ang nasulat ni Author? E de mali rin ang maisusulat nila. Ponder on these little things :)
Hala, ang daldal ko pala. I better end it here. Lalarga pa ang kagandahan ko e.
P.S. I hope I won't offend anybody here. My review may be technical but I hope it made sense. No hates please. :)
