ִֶָ ࣪ ִ Narratives ࣪ ִ ִֶָ

Almost.

"why don't you just kill me?!"

She looked at me with pleading eyes, her pathetic little tears brimming her waterline, I almost felt bad... Almost.

"killing you would be too easy, you'd enjoy it too much." I gazed directly into her tearful eyes, stroking at her hair watching her flinch at my slight touch, "I want to make you hurt, how I hurt. I want to put you through all the years of torture you watch them put me through, and worse." The situation could be considered quite dier if dying is the peak of enjoyment, but it's what she deserved, we both knew it. I could see it in her eyes , wide and with realization. She knows she deserves this. 

"Is-" she sniffled, hardly getting the words out, "-Is that what this is about? We were teenagers, kids, I wasn't like the rest of them I swear! I stuck up for you I never treated you the way they did, I said I'm sor-"

I cut her sentence off short, feeling her tear stained cheeks stinging against my palm as she let out yet another yelp. Her head fell, her gaze averted to ground while she cried, small pathetic little sobs that meant nothing to me. Her stringy hair framed her dirt smeared face, she looked filthy.

I couldn't bring myself to feel sympathy for her. Those memories replayed in my mind, each moment of betrayal sharpening the edge of my anger. “You think that excuses everything?” I snapped, tightening my grip on the blade in my hand “You stood by, letting them tear me apart. Your silence was just as damaging.”

She looked up at me, her eyes glistening with desperation, but all I saw was the girl who had watched and done nothing. “You don’t understand,” she whispered, her voice cracking. But I did understand. I understood all too well.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up! If you really cared about me and the way they treated me you wouldn't have ran, you wouldn't have let them touch me but you did, I... I begged you but all you did was say sorry and leave so don't give me that shit! I'm not listening to your worthless sob story, this is what you deserve and deep down you know it. That's why you so stupidly believed when I said I was 'over it' that's why you tried to be my friend again and that's why you're here now. I am so sick of hearing that meaningless word come out of your mouth. You're not fucking sorry, you're just sorry because you don't want to die, you're just sorry because that's what you think I want to hear but you're wrong. You speak one more goddamn word and I'll cut off your fucking tongue, Got it!?" My voice raised gradually, echoing in the dull empty room. She just nods, my blade pressing against her sensitive throat just enough to print, I can't kill her yet.

"AHHG!"

Her deafening scream rang through my ears. The slow forming of a crimson pool puddling down her now slashed thigh.

I look down at her, apathetic to her insufferably agonizing eyes. I almost felt bad.. Almost.

The silence that followed was heavy, filled with everything left unsaid. She trembled, gasping for air clearly overwhelmed by the pain and for a moment, I almost felt a flicker of something—regret, maybe? But it was quickly swallowed by the bitterness that had become my constant companion.

She was a reminder of everything I despised, a symbol of the pain I could never escape. “You think tears will change anything?” I said, my voice low and cold. “They won’t undo what happened.” My words sliced through the silence, each one deliberate, aimed to wound.

“I know they can’t,” she stammered, desperation clawing at her words. “But I’m not that girl anymore. I’ve changed.” She just doesn't want to get hurt. Is what I told myself.

“Changed?” I echoed, incredulous. “You think time erases the scars? You think I can just forget the years of torment?”

Her eyes filled with anguish. “I’m trying to make amends. Can’t you see that?”

“Make amends?” I stepped closer, the blade glinting in my hand. “What good are apologies now? You’re just trying to save yourself.”

“I just want a chance to show you!” she pleaded. “To prove I can be different.”

“Prove it?” I leaned in, fury igniting within me. “What do you think you can do to change the past? You can’t rewrite history. You can't undo the pain I've already felt and overcame by myself”

Her shoulders slumped, but determination flickered in her eyes. “I.. I know but I don’t want to be that person anymore.”

“Yet here you are,” I said, my voice dripping with disdain. “Begging for forgiveness like it means something.”

“I’m not asking for forgiveness,” she replied, but the tremor in her voice betrayed her. “I’m asking for a chance.”

“Why should I believe you?” I shot back, anger boiling over. “You had your chance, and you chose silence.”

“I’m not that girl,” she insisted, but it sounded hollow. “I’ve changed.”

“Changed?” I raised the blade, letting it catch the light. “You think you can save me with pretty words? I don’t need saving.”

“Then what do you want?” she cried, frustration creeping into her voice.

“I want you to feel what I felt,” I said, stepping even closer, the air thick with tension. “I want you to understand the weight of your silence.”

Her eyes widened, fear creeping in. “Please… don’t do this.”

“Why not?” I sneered. “You stood by while they hurt me. You don’t get to back away now.”

“No, please!” Her voice cracked, and for a moment, I saw the girl who had once meant something to me. But that was gone, replaced by the bitter truth of what she allowed, so strong I could taste it.

“You think you can just walk back into my life?” I tightened my grip on the blade, feeling the thrill of power surge through me. I. Couldn't help but smile a bit, not because I was enjoying this.. well partly because I was enjoying this. But because of the audacity of it all, after all of this she still couldn't understand, this isn't a small wound. “You can’t.”

“I’m here now,” she said, desperation in her eyes. “I’m trying to make it right.”

“But it’s too late.” I moved closer cueing at her, the space between us charged with unspoken violence as I closed it. “You’re going to feel this, just like I did.” my voice lowering to a whisper my breath grazing her ear, like a soft gust of wind that makes her shutter.

“No!” she screamed, her body tense and fighting against the restraints, but I was done listening. The room seemed to close in around us, shadows crawling up the walls as I took another step forward.

In that moment, I let go of all the pain and anger, channeling it into one decisive action. She was going to understand. There was no room for change, no place for forgiveness. Only retribution.