"No," he rumbled in my ear. "I have to fuck you. Now."
"Why? Are you marking your territory?" I'd only been half serious with the comment, but he pulled back and the look in his eyes said that was exactly what he was doing.
I wriggled out of his gr...
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Prologue ❤️❤️❤️
Beyoncé Knowles relationship with Shawn Carter has tested both her and his ability to trust. They decide that the only way they can move forward together is with open doors and transparency. It won’t be easy for the scarred lovers, but they’re committed to each other more now than ever. Beyoncé , in particular, has grown through their trials, and has emerged more confident and faithful to the man she loves.
But while the pair is focused on the future, their past shows up again to threaten their fragile bond. Promises that were made are broken, and Beyoncé learns that Shawn still has very potent secrets—secrets that will tear them both apart. As much as she feels for him, her ability to forgive and forget is tested beyond her limits.
Even though she found the only man who could fix her, a forever with Shawn seems more and more out of reach
Sneak peak :
The place was almost exactly the way I’d left it, except the cleaning lady had been through. The trashcans and dishwasher had been emptied. The only sign of disarray was the books I’d left out in the library. All clean and immaculate like that, the apartment felt empty, abandoned. Lonely. The warmth that had once filled it was gone. It seemed staged. Like a model home that no one really lived in. Like nothing special or beautiful had ever happened there.
It could be anyone's home. Nothing reflected us. How had I never noticed this before?
It was fitting, I supposed, to feel so empty.
Except it deepened my sorrow. I’d been prepared to walk in and be met with the ghosts of our past. That they weren’t there rocked me.
Suddenly, I felt desperate to find a sign of us somewhere-anywhere. I set down my bag and ran back to our bedroom. I threw myself onto the made bed and buried my face in a pillow. It smelled clean. The bedding had been changed since we’d last slept there together. In Shawn’s closet, I found only rows of clean clothes and an empty hamper. Finally, in the bathroom, I found a bottle of his body wash. I opened it and breathed In the scent.
My knees buckled. God, it was him and not him all at once. The smell permeated into my skin, reawakening every memory of him, rekindling feelings that I wanted to forget.
In that moment, though, I didn’t want to forget. I wanted to embrace everything I had left of him. And this scent wasn’t enough. It was missing the most important part. I wanted more, all of it. And I couldn’t find it here.
I recognized the emotion immediately-the desperate urge. I could make it go away if I tried hard enough, if I refocused, if I concentrated on my substitute list.
But I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to follow the urge, to let it lead me where I needed to go. For once, I wanted to give in to it instead of constantly fighting it. Wanted to fall into the comfort of the old pattern and let it swallow me.
Maybe, just today, I could let it take me away. I could go to the loft, slip in while Shawn was in his meetings, and feel him in the place that he’d been living. Look for traces of his existence. Smell him and sense him.
It wasn’t healthy, but it would only be one time. One time wouldn’t destroy me. And after that, I could move on. I’d go to my group meeting and get back on track and my new life-my life without Shawn-could really begin.
It sounded divine. Like a guilty pleasure. No worse than eating a whole tub of Ben and Jerry’s straight from the carton. Without any more thought, I decided to do it. Then I flagged down a cab and headed to the Carter Industries building before I could change my mind.
I was grateful that Norma had told me about Shawn’s afternoon meeting. It made the chance of bumping into him not an issue. He’d be wrapped up in his business whatnot, never knowing I was right above him. It added to the appeal.
As soon as I opened the front door of the loft, I felt it. The thing I’d been missing-Shawn’s presence. It lingered in the air, not just his scent, but the warmth of him. It made the hair stand up on my arms and made my skin tingle. It was exactly what I’d longed for.
Setting my duffel by the front door, I explored further, remembering and putting to memory the place where we’d shared our first time. I trailed my hand along the back of his leather couch as I passed. Then I trailed my other hand over the papers on his desk as I went deeper into the loft. At the back, I found the private elevator. It led to one place only-down to his office. That’s how close he was. I placed my palm on the cool metal.
How close. How far away.
