Lifeline

I woke up this morning and went through my usual routine:

morning run at 05:45
shower at 07:00
make breakfast at 07:20
wake Akk up at 07:45
head to work at 08:00

I went through my mental list as I went ticking everything off. And then I walked into my room and opened the curtains, "Akk you need to get up or you'll be late," I say turning to the bed.

I did it again.

Its been a year since it happened so surely I should be over it. I know it's not good for my health; surely it can't be. I know that Akk is gone but a part of me can't accept it.

His parents come to visit once every month. We go to his grave and make merits for him and then have lunch together then they go back home. This month was no different. Only this month marked the anniversary of his passing.

Nobody knows how to actually account for what happened that day. Akk was up before me that day. He made breakfast and cleaned the house while I was on my run. He washed the dishes after breakfast and even dropped me off at work because he wanted to "take care of his baby" he said. I cursed him for calling me his baby but I secretly liked it. Why didn't I tell him that?

Work was no different that day. The same old boring routine. Endless meetings and bad tasting coffee to keep me running. I got a call at around 6 pm that day, from Akk. He told me he had to go to one of their active cites to check a few things that looked off. He apologised and said he'd call a taxi for me and order me some food. I whined about it for a second but thanked him.

"I love you," I said before he hung up.

"I love you. See you in a bit but don't wait up okay?"

"Mn. But hurry up and get home. I hate sleeping alone." I said pouting.

I earned myself a few knowing smirks from the female employees a few meters away. "I know. I won't be long." and then the line went dead.

I spun around in my chair smiling like an idiot before turning back to my work. I got a text from the driver of the taxi Akk had called for me at exactly 7 o'clock. I packed my things up and left not thinking much about anything as I subtly skipped along the halls of the office building.

I had just gotten into the cab when Akk called, "Hey I'm just now leaving work. When do you think you'll be back?"

"Is this Aye?" a woman's voice came through from the other side.

"Speaking..." I hesitated.

"I'm calling from Z General. Mr *** was just brought in. We're calling because you're his most frequently contacted number..."

She was speaking. I knew she was. She kept saying words that made no sense though. Why was Akk in hospital? What did she mean an accident at the construction cite?

The next couple of days are a haze. I don't recall much. I just remember Akk's parents arriving to our house. And then Wat and Kan were there. Teacher Chadok too. And my mum kept telling me it would all be alright. And I stayed up every night waiting. Akk never broke his promises so surely he wasn't going to start now was he? But he didn't come home.

His parents left but my mum stayed around longer. She sat with me while I cried myself to the point of passing out. She made me eat and cleaned up after me when I threw up. She made sure I washed my face and showered at least once a day. She tried to cheer me up. Wat and Kan tried too whenever they could but it was no use.

It took a month to get used to Akk not being at my side all the time. I got used to it. I never accepted it. I don't know why I never accepted it. I guess I just thought that maybe if I held onto him, he'd come back but he didn't.

A month without Akk turned into two, then three and then finally a year had passed and here we are. Akk is still gone and I'm still trying to accept that I'll never see him again.

I checked the time on my watch as I braced myself for what was coming. I hadn't been to this place since senior year before Suppalo. I thought I'd never have to come back here. My phone chimed as the screen lit up.

FIRST PSYCHOLOGIST APPOINTMENT 15:00