Our Love is Fire and Smoke

Prologue

I've never really liked being alone, I always am around family or friends. 

But after everything he's done I like the silence, the ticking of the clock on my wall, the voices in my head, the music playing slowly in the background. 

Me who tells myself that the boy I love still loves me, even after everything that's happened between us. Him who probably doesn't even care enough to remember my name after it all. 

 I've always been that happy girl who you see smiling and laughing too loud with her friends, but all of that has changed since he exited my life. The smiles don't come to me as easily, I don't love this version of myself. Perhaps it's cause I loved someone so hard, that now loving myself seems impossible.

There's moments between us I used to play over and over in my head, smiling and wondering how I got so damn lucky, now I wish I could erase them completely and the pain they come with. Because when you stop your life and it only starts again when that one person is there your absolutely screwed when they leave.

Sadly I learned this to late.

I always loved the thought of soulmates. I loved the idea that there was one person I'm connected to no matter what. That they would never leave even when I messed up, even when I was mean or had a meltdown. They'd sit beside me and wait until my breathing calmed and wipe my tears, while hugging me as tight as they could. And after it all we would go get food laughing like everything was fine.

But soulmates and even true love isn't that perfect because the part people don't show in public or around their friends is messy and hard. Sometimes you just want to quit and walk away. What people don't tell you is they usually do. 

I want to go back to being a child, where life was easy. Where you just went with the flow weather you liked it or not but at the end of the day it didn't really matter. You played with toys ran around outside with your friends. Sang lyrics to songs you didn't understand, but the song it sounded cool and made you feel cool so you liked it.

Everyone has that person the one you can't live without. The one that's there for you through everything. You can call them at 3am and they tell you everything's going to be okay. Knight was my person, He was the one who was there for everything: my birthday party's, my trips with my family, my good days and my bad days, when I was happy or angry.

He's his own person and I'm still trying to find where I fit into this thing we call life. Because honestly sometimes I wonder what's the point of all of this when eventually one day it will all be gone. Why should I try? 

Hiii , My names Nessa this isnt my first book ive written but tbh i got the idea to write this randomly so im putting it here for whoever wants to read it.

 Please comment and lmk if you like it ill probably update a couple times a week but no promises thank you everyone whos picked up my book.