the truth beneath our stars (henpat)

1.0

i walked to patricks house. when i found out he passed, i planned a funeral in memory of him. i posted about it on social media which got attention from almost 10 million people.

it was the day of the ceremony and i had planned every single detail, from casket to location. when i saw patricks dead body under the bridge i broke down. it was the last thing i would ever want to see. he looked cold and sad in his casket. i had so much to say to him but no time to say it.

when i got to the ceremony, hundreds of people were there, some included my fans. his mother was the first to make a speech.

"dear patrick, if you can or cant hear me..i just want you to know im terribly sorry for the way i had treated you and your brother durring these past few years. i was distant and i wanted to make it up to you but i was too late. i miss you everyday and i hope you find a place in your amazing heart to forgive me."

after her speech, it was his brothers turn to talk.

"dear patrick, you have been in my life ever since i was born. you never left my side even when there were huge opportunities for you awaiting. you were there for big and small events, from me learning how to walk to me learning how to ride a bike. you knew what would cheer me up and i loved spending time with you. you cared about the smallest things when nobody else did. i love you so much big brother, i never thought you would leave my side so soon." he smiled and sat down.

it was finally my turn to speak. when i got up, everyone started cheering and clapping.

"dear patrick, my love. i miss you, everyday since i found out you died, i wait for my door to open and hope its you. i hated that you left me so early. we went from strangers to you becoming my bodyguard, to you being my friend, to you then becoming my boyfriend, which led to a sex tape, and that led to our breakup. i was so grateful that you wanted to become my friend even after i told such unnecessary things."

people gasped, i once again outed myself to everyone and told them it was me in the tape. but i didnt care, patrick wouldve loved me for saying that.

"you didnt want me to worry about you, but i knew from the day i saw you once again at the park, i had fallen for you again. patrick..i love you with all my heart, i would do anything if it meant bringing you back. i love you. and i promised i would never leave you. i was with you at your worst and at your best. no matter what happened between us, i always loved you. you were my one and only. i wanted to love you on your worst days. i was so inlove with you and nothing would ever change that."

i walked back to my seat, i wiped the tears off my face and went outside for some air.
"good job back there. thanks for bailing me out henry." victor stood hovering above me.

"leave it, you said you would find a way for me to talk things out with Patrick again."

"yeah, i can do it right now." victor took out a knife from his pocket. i felt a pain in my stomach and looked down. he stabbed me another time and i collapsed to the floor.
"you got what you wanted henry bowers, there are consequences to your actions though."

i didnt wake up. everything that i saw was pure white, it was quiet.
"henry?"
i looked around but i didnt see anyone.
"you didnt care when i was missing. it feels like you dont even know who i am. shit, i dont know who i am half the fucking time."
"holy fuck.."
it was still white.
"patrick? tell me where the fuck you are!"
"i was sad, depressed and even manic. i fucking committed suicide. i remember exactly how that day went." patricks voice said.
i was at a loss of words.

"it was a sunny day, i was feeling hyper that day. i told my brother how much i loved him and i even hugged my mom.
i walked over to your house to ask if you wanted to hang out. you told me you were too busy but i walked into your house anyways.
i had heard someone talking in your room, a girl. when i walked inside she was laying on your bed half naked.
i was mad, my anger felt like it could kick in at that moment. i walked out and went back home feeling betrayed.
i went into my room where it started to rain, i grabbed a knife and started to cut the sides of my stomach."

i felt tears roll down my face when he said that. i never knew how much he struggled.

"i cut it several times, then i moved to my wrist, and then i covered it up.
i told my brother that i was going on a walk and i left. i walked for hours, not knowing where to go or where i would end up. i stopped at a bridge, and for some stupid reason..i jumped off. i fell into the water and drowned, once the police found me i was washed up on the rocks, my body was pale and cold. and i died."

"patrick.. i didnt mean to upset you. i just felt out of place. and you should know that im bi, i have a small preference for girls too."

"henry, your the reason i died. you will forever live with that guilt, apologies wont help. i fucking hate you."

i was crazy to think that someone like patrick would ever love an awful person like me.. every single day i spent time thinking that patrick was right, i lived with the guilt of his death, i knew that even in heaven, i would never recover from that."

the book shortly ends here with only 10 chapters but honestly i didnt know how else to end it. i did make the ending sad as promised though! (go read my other book "care for me"/henpat!)