I am lying on my bathroom floor in my parents basement. I am surrounded by blood, puke and pills. I hate it here, I can't go through this anymore. I can barely stand, the heroin is all ready coursing through my blood stream. All I hear is my parents walking upstairs and the sound of running bath water. I had to run the bath so my parents couldn't hear me cutting and purging. Have you ever wondered what the world looks like outside of your own vision? All I see is a grey world, with poverty, crime and injustice ruling the hell we call earth. Maybe, just maybe, if I take enough pills all my pain would run away like the tears that roll down my cheeks?
I struggle to get up from the messy floor and I take a look in my dirty, full length mirror. If god said that everyone is beautiful, why did he make me sooo ugly? I weigh 135 pounds and I feel like I weigh 500 pounds. Everyone says I am extremely skinny but, I know they are lying. Throughout my whole childhood, I have been bullied mercilessly about how much I weigh. They would call me names like "whale" or "lardo" and even the occasional "snorelax". That's why I can't get to close to a certain person, they all eventually either turn their backs on you when you need them or they will join in that same bullying group we all remember from elementary school. People are all either liars, cheaters, cons or backstabbers. I don't trust anyone because they all eventually rip my integrity down into only fragments of what I have left of my sanity.
I looked all around the floor, examining all the blood-covered razor blades and blood-covered heroin tablets that are strewed about the floor. Is this what my life has made out to be? Am I destined to die in a crack house or a truck stop bathroom? This is what society has driven millions and millions of teens into. Why does every time I look at the news paper, they rarely show a headline like "Teenage-boy found dead lying in the floor of his parents bathroom" or "Teenage-girl found hanging from her bedroom ceiling"? Has society given up on our youth as we slowly die off one by one by our own unstable minds? They think that locking us up in special padded rooms and in white straight jackets will fix our mental instability but, in reality we are all slowly dying inside wondering who has pushed us so far enough to make us take the 20 pills or to cut a little deeper than usual.
I clean up all the blood with the red-coloured towels I hide in one of my many hiding spots in my basement for such occurrences as this. I hid all my razors and pills, I think I'll try again tonight when my folks are asleep. I wonder how they have never found out about all this? I skip school, hang out with suspicious looking people, I always have a large amount of money to by my heroin when ever I feel like I just need to slip away from reality. I can never tell them about all these because they would force me into rehab. If they do ever do that, I have a plan. When I prove myself to be "clean", right after rehab, I'm going to go straight back into my daily shots even if they force me to go and live on the streets. I just don't care anymore.
that was my 2nd one-shot, please don't judge this. Its in my point and parts of Josh Ramsay's view of the world. TELL ME IF ITS GOOD OR NOT!!! i am trying my best to please you. - kassy
