Naledi (The Moon)

Chapter 17

When it all came rushing back to me, I sat motionless, in complete silence right in front of Neo. But wait, I'm pretty sure I left the hotel to go to the bar? Right? Was I dreaming, when I found myself at a club at midnight? Did my conscious mind, use that as some shield to cover any possible aftermath shame? Was it that intense, that I must've black out, somehow blocked the memory because how could I forget something so monumental?

I had sex with Luca, not once but twice and I actually enjoyed it?!

I stared at my phone again. The text was clear verification that, I didn't imagine this. It indeed happened. That's when bile rose up, clogging my air passage as I struggled to breathe. I jumped off bed sprint to the bathroom, where I emitted the events of last night down the toilet. "Shit, Nani! Are you okay? What's wrong?" Her fear and concern washed expression cornered me. It was prodding for a story that I wasn't ready to share. I doubt, I'll ever talk about it. My Pretoria friends wouldn't hesitate administering me into a psych ward, because I've obviously lost my mind. I mean, I clearly went there on my own free will. Sober minded, not coerced. I went to get dicked down by the one person, that I never wanted to see, let alone talk to again. Yet, I did it.

I washed my face with cold water, trying to wake up. I turned to look at her, "it's nothing. I'm all good. Just some bad chicken, I guess." I lied. She regarded me closely and carefully. "Mmm, are you sure?" She stretched out her hand, wanting to hold mine. I let her. I looked down at it, and when I blinked, events from last night, flashed before my eyes. It felt like movie. With heated scenes, enough to make one fan their face.

~~ Flashback~~

After the shower, I emerged from Luca's shower feeling more ashamed of myself than before with a towel tightly wrapped around me. The previous silver of confidence evaporated, leaving behind a timid, befuddled girl. Call it, "post nutt clarification" but I knew that I had overstayed my welcome plus I didn't want to deal with this new version of Luca who was the scared, love sick puppy ready to fall at my feet. I know that there was a time, a moment when that was all I wanted. There was a time, when I wanted to be his everything. I would've given everything to be his, to hear the words he mentioned previously. Be it trauma or self protection but I'm failing to believe it. I can't. The pain of realising, that I was barely anything to him hurt me more than I anticipated. The thought of going back to his bed, made my skin crawl. Planting involuntary pictures of a time, when I was happy with him. When I just wanted to wrapped around him. "Uh—I have to go." I walked up to him, simultaneously trying to locate my underwear from his floors. He quickly stopped at his tracks and was in front of me before I could utter my next words. "But.. it's late." He actually looked concerned. Momentarily speechless, I scanned his face. His lips full, eyes glistening with heavy emotion piercing through as he breathed as if, his livelihood depended on it. "My friends will be more worried than they already are, probably call the police on me." I forced a smile. I just remembered that I ran away from them, leaving them in the lobby whilst they were distracted by sounds from a crowd nearby. "Can I at least, take you home? Do you have a ride?" He ran his hands through his waves before reluctantly tucking them into his sweat pants pocket. "Luca, I'm fine. So no, thank you." I finally located my clothes from near the grand piano as I shimmied into my pants. The air remained dense and quiet. Never taking his eyes of me. He looked pensive. Meditating on his next words. "Can I at least call you to make sure, you got home safely?"
"You don't have to but if that will make you feel better then sure." Harsh, I know but honestly.. I couldn't show him a glimpse of weakness. I've learned my lesson. We're treading carefully this time around and somehow, it's displaced his orbit. He looked lost. Not sure how to act. "You're mad about what you saw earlier but, let me—"
"I'll stop you right there." I interjected, startling him.  Turning to look up to him. I exhaled before talking. "I didn't come here for that. This was good. Let it be what it was. I could give a fuck about whatever you have going on with HER or anyone else. She's clearly apart of your world and that's okay. We are.. nothing." I shrugged it off. A sharp pang twisted into my chest as I muttered those words. Who am I kidding? I wanted him! I probably needed him but I can't. I'm scared. It nearly ended me.
"See you around, Luca." I quickly left his place before he could say anything else.

~~~

"Yeah, yeah.. I'm okay. Truly." I lied again. I squeezed her hand, trying to reassure both of us. Truth is, I don't know how I am. Or who I am. Since when did I become one of those brave girls, who waltzed into a guy's apartment and basically seduced the boxers off his ass? Was I unraveling?

"Hey, it's your birthday today right?" I changed the subject. The air was denser, beginning to suffocate me. Her eyes instantly lit up as she smiled brightly. "You remembered?" She was flushed red. "Uh yeah, I remembered. June 19th? A month shy away from mine." I smiled at her earnestly. "So what would you like to do today? I'm all yours!"

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My sincerest apologies for the wait.. life happened 🥲 I'm only getting my footing RN

Hoped you enjoyed that. Thank you to everyone who is still reading, sharing and liking. It honestly means so much to me. I started this book about 5 years ago but I'm glad that it's still touching you guys. ❤️❤️
I'll try to update weekly 😅

Until next time ❤️❤️