' my ocs diary '

1 - ' it is what it is '

People see me, as your typical optimistic type of person. Others see as a cold person, a perfectionist, a philosopher, or the perfect girl. Some even say i live up to my name and my parents named me really well.

Honestly, i dont care. As long as they tell me what to do. And by them i mean my ever "loving" parents. As long as they tell me what im supposed to do, i can follow the path they made for me in order to please them. Its like a puppy doing tricks so their owner can give them treats. Yeah, its like that.

All of it didnt matter. Until senior high school ended.

I saw my classmates choosing carriers they want to for themselves. Others even decided to go to college so they can achieve their own dream.

This made me think of something.

Do i have something ive always wanted to do?

This question began to affect my thinking. But i chosed to ignore it. After all if i do as they say they will all be pleased for what ive done for them and maybe atleast praise me.

And thats where i realized.

All this time. Ive been following their instructions. All of the sake of getting attention. Even though im not getting it. Its just gonna continue even if i do manage to do it.

I chuckled to myself

Am i really gonna follow such painful path?
Im not some sort of robot for you to ask orders
Im your daughter.
Your daughter who just wants to be appreciated and loved
And you failed to give it because you were too focused on me being successful in life.

They said its for me. But why does it hurt?
That was once a question that my oblivious past self thought.

And i finally answered it.

Ive tried talking to my parents about my feelings. But they refused. They say its just me in my rebellious phase.

That made me sad anymore

This continued for days, to weeks, to months, to years.

They told me ive become complicated, and started to focus on my kin instead.

It hurts, but atleast im free from that horrible treatment. But it hurts being replaced.

But i think to myself sometimes.

Did i do the right thing?

Well. It is what it is now anyway.