broken dolls (you're only human)

Chapter 5

The only sign that indicated her older brother was awake was the steady rhythm of his heartbeat that had momentarily paused for a second. For anyone else it would've appeared for him to still be sleeping, but Nezuko has enhanced senses. She faces towards him, slowing placing a hand on his shoulder, massaging it gently. When she faces him again, his eyes are wide open, full of unshed tears that threaten to burst at any moment.

"I almost killed Sanemi-san! Oh god, Nezuko,

"Why? Why did we get sent back to this awful past? Do we have to watch again as they fall, as our friends tear themselves apart and die at the hands of that monster again?

His breaths come in through panicked gasps, echoing against the dark shack they've hidden themselves in.

"TANJIROU! Onii-chan! Look at me," Nezuko held herself strong, clasping Tanjirou's hand as she gently guided it along to her steady heartbeat.

"Onii-chan, feel my heartbeat." In the silence of the moment, Nezuko's heart thrummed gently against Tanjirou's hand, watching it steadily rise up and down. She can sense the palpable relief that comes to the knowledge she is alive, not dangling at a moments edge away from death. That they are far away from Kibutsuji Muzan, not controlling him with the death of his last and only family.

"I'm.. I'm sorry-" but Nezuko shakes it out of her brother before he can say anything else. Why are kind people always apologising? Why are they always so forgiving? It ached deeply in herself because all her life she thinks she has been selfish, relying on her brother and not even seeing his struggle through his kind demeanour. But now, as a young child himself, those cracks that he hid so easily before can be found, and his breath his shaken with unridden apologies.

Nezuko is selfish, and her selfishness had cost her her brothers happiness, whom as the eldest daughter she has a duty to protect. Yet in her wallows, she continued to sleep and sleep, denial that comes in the form of selfishness, and when she finally decides to wake her brother has perfected his mask so perfectly and earnestly she denies the fractures that she continues to hear within him.

"You did nothing wrong. It was only your instinct to react like that because of Muzan. It was never your fault, onii-chan. I know you would've stopped before you even touched a hairbreadths of Sanemi-san. And he's a pillar. He would've stopped it too even before if I wasn't there in time." The unsaid words in the air still remain.

Tanjirou was stronger and faster than Sanemi in the past, and despite his prepubescent body still shorter and thinner, Sanemi would've never made it in time.

None of the pillars would.

But Nezuko knows deep down in her heart, Tanjirou would've had some instinct to stop. Even if it was some sick illusion by Muzan, he would've hesitated to even hurt his mentor with anything.

She knows.

Even with Sanemi's rough personality, the time he took in teaching Tanjirou his forms of breaths before his death, to whom he shared mochi with both of them, to how he viewed her as his little sister-

these moments were cherished.

And now they may never get to experience with him again.

But that's ok. That's fine. Because she will make sure in this life Sanemi will be the happiest man with his younger brother.

So they can both live a life they deserved.

Tanjirou can say he almost killed Sanemi. But he didn't. And for now that's all that matters.

She stares at her brothers face. His hands are trembling, never stopped trembling since Muzan made him kill with those hands.

But Nezuko thinks, he may have killed a few with those delicate hands, but he's saved hundreds more. He's saved lives so others could see their loved ones smile more. He's saved many more than he has killed. Yet he is kind, and kindness has made him guilty, with death following him like a shadow. He can't see past and underneath the blood that has coated his hands of the unbidden smiles and faces of relief of those he has saved.

And kind, sweet, gentle, Nezuko has had enough of being stepped over.

And while he was clinging to her brother happily, all she can think about is the how hard he was suffering by himself.

Nezuko, it's been really lonely without you! But big brothers working hard so he can protect you. I've been learning a lot of new techniques from Urokodaki-san! He may seem harsh at first, but deep down my nose tells me he cares about you and me greatly. I'm grateful for Giyu-san to leading us to such a place. Not anyone would be willing to harbour a demon...

Anyways, it's almost been a year since we've come here. It's almost been a year since our family was killed Urokodaki-san has taken us in. Everyday is hard, but because one day I know you'll wake up I'm working really...really...

Teardrops fill the page and everything else becomes smudged.

Pleasewakeup Nezuko. It's so hard. I wish you were here. Please wake up. I miss mother so much please don't leave me as well you're everything I have please-

Oni-chan's working really hard! Please wake up soon, Nezuko, I miss you.

Tanjirou.

She is selfish, so utterly selfish and-

"Everyone... they all looked so happy. No one was dead. And despite their hatred filled eyes towards me, all I could feel was the relief that spread throughout my body when I could see them breathing and talking. Our experiences, everything we've faced together in the future may be gone, but I swear on our lives, we'll make sure they never go through it again."

Her brother pauses, eyes are distant, flashing with unbidden memories of the deaths and blood that still continues to haunt them in their nightmares.

"I'm so so happy, Nezuko. I'm happy that we got this second chance, their second chance, for them to live longer lives and smile till their days on end. For them to shoulder so much burden in their young lives, I want them to laugh together and share their beautiful memories of being alive together. And I may not be there in the end, but I won't let Kibutsuji Muzan ever so much as desecrate their bodies again.

They deserve to find happiness in their lives."

Nezuko doesn't say it, but her selfishness reverberates through her entire mind.

What about yours..?

What about your equation of happiness!?

And before she can say anything,

there's a rustle in the trees with a familiar voice-

"Who's there?"