NO WAY BUT DOWN

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"Madison Daze," shouted my mom "Come down here this instant". I groaned. If I woke up, I would have to see everyone's fake smiles and everyone's reassurances that everything would be fine. They don't understand that saying it, doesn't change anything.

My dad died as soon as I was born in a car crash. My mom is diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. I am living with my aunt Michelle, who is working her butt off to ensure that we live happily. I juggle between being the top student in my class for a scholarship and working at the town coffee shop, to pay for mom's hospital bills.

I wake up, knowing that if I don't, my mom would come upstairs. I really didn't want her over-exhausting herself. "I'm up", I yelled as I went into the washroom to get ready for school. I got ready in an off-shoulder sweatshirt and some skinny jeans and placed my grey contacts in my eyes. I ran down the stairs, grabbed a bagel, kissed my mom, and rushed off to catch the school bus. Little did I know, that it would be the last time my morning routine would be like this.

I reached school, went to my locker, chatted with my friends for a while, and headed straight to my trig class. I somehow got through the entirety of it, when the announcement speaker in our class rang "Ms. Daze, please report to the principal's office". I stood up, gathered my stuff, dropped it at my locker, and headed towards the principal, Mrs. Lewis' office. I knocked on the door, and she replied "Come in". I went in and took a seat after she gestured to a chair. She began "Ms. Daze. Unfortunately, your mom is at the Cleveland Hospital after undergoing a seizure today morning. She was unconscious until a couple of minutes ago. She wants you to be there.". I mumbled out a quick, quiet "Thank you", and ran out of the school all the way to the hospital. I quickly found out my mom was in room '305' and took the elevator to the 3rd floor. I sprinted into her room and was shocked by what I saw. My mom was pale and looked lifeless, nothing like she looked today morning. She had tubes going in and out of her body, and a cannula inserted into her nose. I whispered a soft "Mom". She replied "Come here, sweetie." with her eyes completely focused on me. I walked up to her slowly, my knee caps shaking at the fear of my mom not making out of it alive. I reached her bed, and slowly kneeled down on the floor. She wrapped her frail hands around me, giving me the warmest hug ever, even though she was freezing before she stiffened and then fell back to the bed and the Holter monitor stopped beeping. I knew at that moment that my mom had died.

-3 days later-

"Hey there Mads! I know you're probably crying your eyes out and probably crying your eyes out in your locked room, but I want you to know that if I'm with you or not, I'll always love you. I knew this day was coming, and I'm perfectly okay with it happening. Always smile and be happy, even when things don't go your way. I love you and I always will." The video clicked signaling its end, as I went into another state of severe sobs.

I've been like this for the past three days. My eyes are blotchy red and swollen from the lack of sleep and constant crying. I haven't interacted with anything or anyone, except a pen drive that my aunt slipped under my bedroom door. It was filled with videos of me and my mom, and small messages she left me, like to believe in myself, and that she'll always love me. My aunt also slid in two letters. It was my acceptance to MIT and Yale, the two colleges I always wanted to attend, with a 75% scholarship. I wanted to be happy, but I always imagined myself reading it with my mom, and then hugging her while crying tears of joy.

My mom probably wanted me to not mope around, to quickly get over everything, and live my life as normally as I could live it. But I couldn't bring myself to do that. My phone rang once again. I didn't answer. I had 67 god damn missed calls and 113 messages. I knew I eventually had to come out, so I did it now rather than later. I came out and I saw someone I'd never expected to see. My dead dad. I didn't think even take a moment to register that my "dead" dad was very much alive as I ran to him crying out "Dad". He was shocked by my sudden approach to him, but he took me in his hands and engulfed me in a hug. That's when it clicked to me that my dad is very much alive, as I took a step back and made a gesture for him to explain why the hell he was standing in front of me, while he was supposed to be dead.

He looked at me with a smile, as he said "I wasn't dead. I was being hunted by the gangs, because of my job. I didn't want to endanger you and your mom. I left and gave her a promise that I would return to be with her. A promise, I wasn't able to keep. So, I quit and came here to you. I'm sorry I wasn't here for the past 17 years, but I promise I'm here to stay.". As my dad said these words, I knew that the Sun would never be in close proximity any time soon, but I was slowly climbing back up to it, and this time it would be with the help of my Dad.