Je T'aime | Billie Eilish

dix

groceries
request by blondiebil <3

billie eilish

"you sure you're okay, billie? we can always come back tomorrow." lilou asked, noticing my anxious expression as we walked around the grocery store. we were running low on some staple pantry items, so i suggested we go to the store together, but lilou didn't think it was a good idea since i was in my headspace.

i didn't particularly care about that though and begged her to come anyway, but now that we are here i'm feeling really nervous.

"i'm 'kay," i lied, looking up at her, managing to show a small closed-mouth smile. i knew she didn't believe me but i wanted to stay and help her with the shopping.

although i could feel the stares from bystanders i wanted to prove i could do it, so i skipped up to a wooden crate full of apples and grabbed a couple. "w-we need some of 'ese, don' we mommy?" i said in a hushed tone, trying to swallow the lump in my throat showing her my hands. "mhm-hm, here i'll take those," she said nodding, taking the red apples from my grasp and placing them gently into the basket.

i subconsciously grabbed onto lilou's hand as we walked to the next item on our list, my eyes darting around us to see if anyone was looking in our direction. "do you wanna go get that one, baby?" lilou asked.

i looked up at her slightly bewildered as i had not been listening to her. "uhm. sorry mama, billie not list'nin'" i admitted coyly. "it's okay. i just asked if you wanted to go grab the milk from the fridge over there. you might need to use your strong arms for it though,"

i nodded and walked quickly over to the fridge. i opened it up and grabbed the carton we usually have and made my way back to lilou in no time. "good girl. thank you ma chérie," she smiled, but i could see a hint of worry still glinting in her eyes.

we pursued on through the store, but the anxiety i was feeling continued to weigh down on me.

"come on, little one. let's go check out," lilou said as she grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. i tilted my head as i looked up at her.

we weren't finished getting all the items off of the list.

"i can finish shopping another day, don't worry." she said with a slight shrug before heading over to the check out.

i.

without me.

my stomach sank as a wave of guilt washed over me. i tried my hardest not to cry until we got in the car but hot tears kept spilling down my cheeks.

i just felt so bad.

i wanted to help, but now i've done nothing but make it harder for lilou.

"what's the matter bil?" lilou asked, sensing that the tears weren't purely from my anxiety. i tugged on the door handle and climbed into the back seat. "what are you doing? you never sit back here."

i went to shut the door, eliminating myself from the conversation but lilou held the door open and pushed against me, between the top of my thigh and my hip so i would slide across to the next seat so she could lower herself down into where i was.

she shut the door so it was just us and turned to me.

"what's going on up there?" she asked quietly, brushing my colored hair out of my face. i let out a whine and pushed her hand off me. "i can't do what you want me to do unless you tell me what's going on, billie." lilou said.

"do you want me to just drive home and leave you back here?" she asked after i didn't respond again. i nodded. the parisienne let out a soft sigh. "okay, i think i know what's happening here."

"you're upset with yourself, aren't you darling?"

i brought my hands up to my eyes as i started to tear up again. "c'mere baby," she said holding her arms out to me. in my head i was very conflicted, but i wanted the comfort so badly that i just caved and crawled into her embrace.

"you're not difficult to be around, okay? i love you." lilou reassured, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

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sorry i haven't updated in a million years lol