We can never call it ‘life’ without experiencing problems and trials. These always happen as we go and we can never, ever, avoid it. Often, it is within family, friends, relationships, and in the society. No one is exempted and everyone has to face it. People believe it can make us stronger if we can pass and defeat it, except for me.
I may be one of the strongest men on earth if this is true, after the problems I’ve been through. It wasn’t an extraordinary problem. It’s just a combination of problems which most of the population experience too. I became a son of two wanted people when I was six, after my parents committed a murder, and then soon lost them. They left me their debts with my aunt, who raised me cruelly, so I have to work early to pay her and have education. I attend school in the morning, help her in her small business in the afternoon, and collect garbage during night for extra income, until my aunt’s house was hit by fire and lost everything we had. We started again to zero and I worked harder to earn. Fortunately, I was able to study again. I was bullied at school since I was so poor and I have murderer parents. They always involved me in fight, but that didn’t stop me. I study harder and gain scholarships. Attended college and took law. Fraternity often hit me when I attended the program. So, I have to work five more times to pay hospital bills and my aunt. I had girlfriends and loved them seriously and respectfully. But then they always fool me and just broke up with no reasons. I focused on my study. I always receive doubts from everybody and felt that no one believes I can do it. I took it as a challenge and later became a lawyer.
I’m successful. I’ve passed through those challenges. I was able to face it, but then I am not strong.
I am staring at the most beautiful person I’ve ever known. Those eyes that is gently closed and strands of long dark brown hair placed in her shoulder makes her more innocent than I know. She’s paler than before and her lips are so dry. But then she is glowing with her all white stuffs – white blanket, white pillow, white dress, and everything.
This is the woman I loved – the one who I’ve planned to live with in the remaining years of my life, the person that I will cherish and love forever in good and in bad times, the woman that will wear the most beautiful dress on the day of our wedding, and will be the mother of our three children. This is her. This woman who is lying in the hospital bed is her.
I should be stronger since I have faced and passed through a lot of challenges. I should be strong enough, but then I’m not. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever encounter. I am here beside her, but I could not do anything to cure her.
I touched her hands and it was cold. It is still soft and smooth, but there is something that makes it very different. I rubbed it gently with my hands to make it warmer and kissed it. She has leukemia, and there is no cure for her. She is near to lose this world and I am near to lose her.
“Hey,” she speaks gently with the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard. I looked up to see her and she is smiling. Her eyes half open, looking at me, and she smiles like nothing is wrong.
“I think I couldn’t make it,” she continues.
I gather all my strength to speak and answer her but no words came out of my mouth. I’m so speechless. I want to encourage her and tell that everything will be okay, but we both knew it wouldn’t be.
“I am really sorry. I love you very much and I don’t want to leave you. But please don’t worry. We can do this. I know you’re very strong,” she speaks again and tears start flowing through her eyes down to her face.
“Please, don’t cry,” I said and suddenly I was crying too. I lean to her and gently wipe her tears. I don’t want her to cry since all I have done is to make her smile. I could never afford the one I love to cry, of course.
“I won’t if you sing for me,” she smiles.
I sat beside her and starts singing softly for her. I look at her and our eyes met. Her smile just magically makes me want to be strong. She’s listening to me and she is also telling me I can do it, that I can make it. With the trials I’ve been through, this is the hardest one. She is losing her life and we couldn’t do anything about it. I want to make it for her. I know I can, but I don’t know when and how.
She gently closed her eyes as I kept on singing. After seconds, I became aware that she is not listening to me anymore. The sound that indicates her heart beat became so long and loud.
The doctor and nurses start barging in and check her.
She’s here seconds ago, and now, she’s gone. The woman who I love the most is gone. How can I continue my life without the woman I love? I don’t know if I could face this. Could I? I don’t know how, and I want to know for her.
