Shot In The Dark - An Eddie Munson & Y/N Story

15 ~ A Letter To My Lost Love

My darling girl,

It's been months since I lost you to that place, the place I still see in my worst nightmares, the place I swore to protect you from, but failed.
Everyday I spend without your beautiful face smiling up at me feels empty and alone. I don't know how I can go on without you.

Wayne tells me everyday how lucky I am to be alive but it doesn't feel like that, I don't feel like I'm alive without you.
You're my heart, my soul, my life... and now you're gone.
He tells me constantly how much he misses you and how much it hurts to not have you helping him in the kitchen or grabbing him a beer after work and sitting down to talk to him about school, bonding over how annoying I've been or how much mess I make everywhere. He misses your laugh and your smile, even misses your awful taste in Fleetwood Mac songs. I tell him I miss all those things too, but can't even begin to describe how much I miss it, all of it.

I can't bring myself to move your shampoo or makeup from the bathroom shelves, your perfume bottle still sits on my dresser, waiting for you to come flood my room with that beautiful smell again. Your clothes still fill my dresser like they did before, I can't even bring myself to wash your laundry at fear of losing the only things that still hold the scent of you. Especially now your pillow no longer smells of you, after months of me sobbing into it at night, the smell left me, just like you did.

It hurts everyday that I left you there, all alone. I tried to go back for you but you were gone.
Now the gate has closed and taken the building with it as it lies in a heap of concrete.
Now I've lost all hope of seeing you again.
All I wanted was to give you the send off you deserve, to show you all the people in town who loved you and miss you since you've been gone. Instead the city "gifted" us an empty casket to bury, but it's not the same. I can't bring myself to visit the place the casket was buried as it's all a lie, you're not there, you're not anywhere... just gone.

I leave the lamp on every night in desperate hope you'll find the light in the Upside Down and give me a sign you're still there somewhere. Harrington thinks I've gone nuts and fuck, maybe I have, but I'd rather go crazy without you than live another normal day without your beautiful face looking back at me.
I swear I can see your face sometimes... like last month I thought I saw you at the kitchen window but by the time I'd opened the trailer door, you were gone. Even Henderson thought he saw you across the parking lot at school after Hellfire last week, almost hurled at the sight of you standing there... but I guess he was seeing things too as you'd vanished by the time I came outside.

I thought I heard your voice the other day too, delicately singing out the words to Fleetwood Mac's "Songbird"... it was beautiful. Literally made me cry like a little kid. I miss your singing, even mainstream rock songs. I'd give anything to sit and listen to you play Bonnie Tyler on my acoustic again, even if I tell you "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" makes my ears bleed, it never sounded terrible when you sang it. I brought that one on vinyl for your birthday, but I never got a chance to give you it. I've played it over and over again until I finally felt numb to the sound of it. Well, until I thought I heard you singing it.

Maybe I am going mad, maybe we all are... or maybe you touched every single one of our lives in the short time we knew you.

You'd hate Hawkins now though.
Since that day, everything's been super weird.
There's been no sightings of Vecna or monsters but people keep turning up dead or going missing all together. Hopper and the Hawkins PD have no idea what's going on, but I know it's got something to do with what happened that day in the Upside Down. Henderson tried to reel us into the D&D related theories as they always seem to pan out, but I couldn't care less right now... it's not gonna bring you back, is it?

They sold your trailer... I rescued all yours and Alice's things from it first!
All kept packed away safe and sound in my room, waiting for you to come back and nag me for touching your shit.
Your car sits idly outside my trailer, I turn her over occasionally, make sure she's still running fine, but I can't bring myself to actually drive her anywhere. Sometimes I just sit in the drivers seat as your Black Sabbath cassette plays in the background, remember every road trip, school run or adventure we shared together in her.
They gave Wayne and I the money from the sale of your trailer.
We've not touched it though... feels wrong.
We keep it safe for the day you come back to us, saving it for a home for us, a wedding even... just need the bride now.

I'm not graduating this year... I'm sorry, princess.
I couldn't bring myself to go to school after you'd gone.
I couldn't hack the whispers of people around me, sure as shit that I'd done something to you or had some part in your disappearance.
I couldn't stand walking the same halls I'd watch you stroll through, knowing you wouldn't burst through the doors and run towards with that gorgeous smile spread across your face.

I miss your beautiful face... I miss every single part of you actually.
The way your soft hands felt against mine or the feeling of your dainty fingers tracing circles over my arms as we cuddled. The warmth from your body as we curled up in bed together, even your ridiculously cold feet as they press against my legs for warmth. The way your hair would blow as we drove down the street with the windows wide open. The feeling of your soft lips pressed against mine as they left a tracing of raspberry chapstick across my face. The way your body fits perfectly into my lap as we watch TV or hangout with friends. Your laugh that fills the room like beautiful music, bringing laughter to others with ease. Your smile that literally lights up as room whenever it's blessed with it, whoever is graced with your smile can't help but smile themselves. The way your cheeks flush whenever I'd call you "beautiful", "cute" or "sexy". And your eyes.... God. The sheer magnetism that radiating from them, helplessly pulling me in every time. It was the first thing I noticed about you when I saw you walk into the high school that morning. Ever since I first saw them, I was hooked. Your glance is like heroin and now I'm withdrawing from it and it hurts like hell.

I'm so sorry for leaving you that day, for not being able to save you.
I tried and tried to breathe life into you, my lips engulfing yours with every breath, but nothing worked.
I wish I had the strength to carry you back home, maybe if I'd have gotten you to a hospital you could have lived.
I'll never forgive myself for leaving you in that horrible place and I'd never ask for you to forgive me either.

I have only one thing to ask of you princess...
Come home, please.
I need you.

If you can't come home then at least wait for me until I can be with you again.

I love you, Y/N Baker... I will never stop loving you and I will never love anyone else as long as I live.

All my love,
Eddie
xxxxxxx