A/N:
So this is quite a long chapter (1752 words). Comment, vote, or follow if you like it. If not, that's fine too.
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I switched my gaze between the razor and my wrist. 'Should I really do this? Would it be worth the risk?' The questions kept repeating in my head like a broken record. I couldn't decide. 'What if it was just another rumour and this would be all for nothing?' I my breath hitched at the thought. 'But surely, nothing could be worse than this.' Another voice whispered in my head. The voice has a point. Nothing could be worse than the feeling of never-ending wait. To dream that you would see his gentle smile when you open your eyes every morning, only to be disappointed. To stare pointlessly at the grey walls waiting for his return that would never come. To lay in bed at night, too afraid to fall asleep, because he might sneak in while you are asleep. Nothing is worse than the prolonging anticipation.
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I've already come to my decision. I won't turn back now. This is my best chance of stopping this never ending torment.
I open my eyes and let go of my breath.
This is it.
I placed the tip blade across my wrist. I start putting pressure on the tip of the blade and slowly dragged the thin metal all the way across my wrist. The pain quickly registered and started to down my arm. My lips pressed tight against each other to stop myself from crying. I watches as blood started flooding out of the wound, painting my pale skin with thick crimson liquid.
As I watch the blood dripping onto the cold tiles, a sense of relief washed over me. It felt as though all the build-up stress, tension, and everything was finally gone. I closed my eyes and embrace the feeling of being weightless.
"But why do you want me? I'm so scrawny and weak and dirty. I'm also not clever or smart," a small voice drifted through my mind. Somehow the words seemed very familiar, like I've heard it a long time before. But where?
"You are strong, Axel. In here," that was why my memory finally register. His face popped up in my mind. His cold grey eyes that soften when he smiled at me. His pale lips that tilted into a warm smile only for me. Definitely the cold touch of his fingertips that seeped through my worn out t-shirt.
My eyes snapped open at the memory. I glance at my bloodied arm and cringe at the sight. A pool of blood forming beneath my injured wrist are were spreading slowly. 'No, no, no.' Fear flooded through me as I realised what I've done.
"No, no, no," I mutter to myself and through the razor across the room as if it was some kind of snake. My trembling hand quickly pressed over my wound in hope to stop the blood.
The reason he took me in what because of my will to fight for life no matter how cruel the world is. He adores me for that. And now I'm throwing it away. He'll find out that I'm no longer the strong-will child who he met years ago, but a coward who gave up on life. 'No. What have I done?'
My mind started to panic. I can't be taken away like this. I can't let him think of me as a coward.
I need help.
I scrambled to my feet and wobbled a little due the dizziness of the blood loss. My trembling hand let go of my injured wrist and yanked the bathroom door open. Everyone's eyes were bore onto my bloodied arm but I didn't have time to care. I need to get help.
I have to stay alive.
I raced towards the door as fast as my shaken legs could carry me. Although the distance between the bathroom door to the entrance door was only 60 steps at most, it felt like a mile. This might be due to the fact that I've lost probably half litre of blood, but I didn't have time to care.
