𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐒...

.𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞.

"Did I spark something in you?"

"The touch you want is grand, isn't it?"

"I'm tempting you, aren't I?"

A movie, a show, a billboard displayed out on the streets in the cold, cruel world. That's how every guy saw me at this job, a pretty female who was too careless to show herself so crassly. "A pretty bimbo", "A blameless whore-like female", and "A saint with the body of a goddess".

Don't tell me something I already heard before from another guy.

Lustful like a siren's voice, that's what I gave to these soulless men. However, I was never broken. I was a writer, always passionate about writing my heart out to nobody. Loved to paint my emotions out with a sparked blunt in my left hand, there was never a person in this world who'd honestly cared about the realness of me. I was never outgoing, yet I had the vulnerability of a social butterfly. I was always in my little world.

"Bend over for me," the guy who observed me like a reflection in the mirror demanded, "I wanna see all of you." he persisted, moving his seat closer to the glass that separated me and him.

"Tell me exactly what you want." I responded, submitting to his demand as I glared at him the whole time, "Tell me what you desire."

He licked his lips as he gripped onto his pants, gently caressing himself as I positioned my knees to the floor. "You want it like this?" I taunted the guy as he groaned at his touches.

This job never seems to amuse me, it's like watching a movie so many times to the point where you seem to memorize what the characters say. I could sit there and mock the guy as if he were a character in a movie, a repeating cycle. However, this and my other job were the main things I needed to provide myself for the apartment that cleared out all my checks every month.

"Grab your hair, let me see your beautiful back Symphony." he urged, watching me answer his request. "Everyone tells me how beautiful you are and, they aren't wrong. Your pretty eyes, watching me. Symphony, dance for me."

Imagine this for 5 years, nothing alters, frequenters whose faces carve deep into my mind I can't seem to take this anymore. Even though I'm passionate about this job, I can't wait to leave this shithole, this neighborhood, this city, this state. California is the mission, to just start over and reclaim my old self. It's tough having to save so much when I'm getting paid minimal. Yet I slave off in the daytime, then do this for 3 hours just waiting for a knight in shining armor to scoop me up and take me away. I always think the opposite when it's blatantly shown right through these guys' faces,

All they want is the same...

All they want is lust...

However, I move past that pain for love in them...

'You just choose to never know...'

"Bitch when I say they fought, I'm talking bout drinks soaring across the club, hair being pulled out." Zoraida, my best friend laughed with my other best friend Suzu.

"Girl these bitches scratching each other!" Suzu interrupted, hand placed on the table as she held back her laughter. "Like these girls are fucking crazy I wish you saw the whole thing go down!"

Wednesday afternoon in a small coffee shop just down the block from Central Park. Cold breezes in the May heat, yet the sun wasn't shining so bright like always. I sat across from Zoraida and Suzuki, two of my closest and only best friends in this fuck up world we're living in. Sipping my coffee slowly as they caught me up on their daily dose of work fights, normally it was just a little scramble of two strippers going at it however this conversation took it up a notch when Suzu's eyes glistened and began to pat rapidly onto Zoraida's shoulder. "WAIT WE FORGOT ABOUT SOMETHING!"

"Huh?" Zoraida said, thinking hardly until her eyes glistened in unison. "Oh shit! Val, you gotta come tomorrow night! There's this influencer coming but I forgot who he was-"

"Shit I forgot the name too, I gotta text some of the girls if they know but perhaps you'll know who it is Val."

"Y'all, y'know Thursdays are the busiest days. I can't I need that money." I responded, observing their faces sulk. "Is it only Thursday? Are they coming again on Friday?"

"All I got was Thursday." Suzu replied, "C'mon Valerie, I'll pay you. How much?" she requested, grabbing her bag from Zoraida's side.

"Stop don't even, guys...I probably have no fucking clue who this person is and if anything, I'm not letting shit stop my grind." I appointed, munching down on my cinnamon toast as Zoraida's eyes squinted at me. Gradually folding her arms, she whispered into Suzu's ear something that would intently get me to change my answer.

I hated how stubborn these bitches were, but I guess that's how all best friends work.

"If you don't come, I'll tell my boss to hire you. Right then and there." Suzu told with a snarky smile. "You'll be stripping again. I swear."

"Oh my god." I groaned, "Please no."

"Mmmh," Zoraida interrupted, "If she doesn't come, I'll make her ex pop up at her job."

"He would love to see her too, y'know he still on that ass." Suzu insisted, both of them watching me place my head into my palms.

"Alright alright, I'll come damn. I swear if this shit blows I'm going to jail, first degree." I groaned, lifting my head and killing them both with the most profound eye contact possible.

The biggest smiles I ever saw appeared on their faces, what the hell was all this excitement for and about? Honestly, I continued to eat my toast but they still kept their eyes on me, most definitely intending that I'd probably get the chance to meet someone the night of that influencer's arrival.

"No, fuck no I'm not doing it. I already know why y'all still smiling. Clowns." I spoke, wiping my mouth with a napkin.

"How long has it been since you honestly talked to a guy that wasn't because of work? C'mon, you never know Val!" Zoraida intended, pouting her lips as Suzu grasped her hand.

"Can you just try? Please?" Suzu pleaded, pouting her lips at me.

I huffed in irritation, observing them beg like dogs waiting to be let inside the house. "Fine," I vowed. "If I end up acting out don't try to stop me because this is what y'all want."

Pouting turned to smiles, yet I still kept the same blank expression. As these 30 minutes of us being in this cafe turned into almost 2 hours, I kept my doubts about missing work. It was all my grind, and I didn't even tell them about the new job I had gotten just a couple of days ago. Mind the fact that I start next week, if there was gonna be any sort of disruption to my new work schedule, best believe I would have to murder this bitches. They are always the main ones fucking me up with this grind.

However, it is nice to miss just one day. One day could help with all this procrastination with my hobbies. Except, these clowns wanted to go to the mall early as the sun crept into the sky Thursday morning. Providing no support to my needs, I was leaning towards bailing. Yet, I could see how they just wanted me to live life, to feel alive I suppose. I wanted to feel alive for once but just with my weed, my laptop, blasting my tunes in the background in my little bubble of a home.

Constant, knocking on wood then crossing my fingers. At least let this night give me a chance to feel some sort of life in me...

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~ Lumi