Hell-Bent On Slipping Away

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"There is no greater glory than love, nor any greater punishment than jealousy." -Lope de Vaga

Frank didn't know what the fuck Prozac was. And he didn't know why Gerard needed an entire bottle of it - the container was empty, the only thing still in it being some mysterious white dust clumped at the bottom. The most curious thing about it was that it was prescribed to not Gerard, but his mother, Donna Way. All Frank knew was that his friend had finished off the medication and his it under his pillow.

The sole reason for his discovery was due to the fact that he was a total snoop. He was at Gerard's house, a week or so since he had last been. He had been on Gerard's bed while the older boy was out of the room and needed to readjust the pillow, and when the bright orange container caught his eye, he just had to see what it was.

Google, always trusty, had revealed that Prozac was an antidepressant. Why was Gerard taking antidepressants prescribed for his mother? He sure as hell didn't need them. Maybe they were there by mistake. Maybe his mother had a prescription drug addiction and Gerard was trying to hide them...

Jesus Christ, Frank thought, this is one fucked up family.

He honestly didn't know of a way to help, besides being there for Gerard. But that was extremely hard when he kept disappearing.

It didn't happen for a while after he started dating Lindsey. She was good for him, was Frank's rational, which made him want to stay. Which also made Frank want to rip his hair out, because it meant he wasn't enough. And when she started riding to and from school with them, Frank began to feel even more insignificant.

Gerard showed the common symptoms of being in love, or at least, dedicated in a loving relationship. His smile lit up tenfold when she was in his presence. They laughed at stupid little things, inside jokes that Frank never got. There were moments when they'd just look into each other's eyes and be entranced; this was all stuff that romance novelists wrote about, the chemistry movie directors strove for, the dreams hopeless romantics never forgot. And it sickened Frank, because it was oftentimes when all he could do is watch and pray that Gerard didn't catch him making disgusted faces.

And Lindsey was so sweet, it was impossible to resent her.

It was late November, the Monday after Thanksgiving break. "You going anywhere for Christmas, Frank?" she asked as the pickup truck bumped along the highway.

Frank shrugged, willing himself not to stare at their linked arms. "I may be going to Atlanta, where most of my family is, but I'm not sure." He did it every year, which got rather boring. But it sure as hell beat watching Gerard and Lindsey 'accidentally' discovering some strategically placed mistletoe.

"Really? Is it in the city or around?" she questioned, sounding genuinely intrigued.

Frank had to think of where the house itself was. "Smyrna, it's west of the city itself."

Lindsey's face lit up. "No way! I have a cousin that lives there, how cool."

"Awesome," said Frank half-sarcastically. He honestly didn't care about her or her family, and as interested as she sounded, she probably wanted to blow her brains out just talking to him, like a lot of people did.

He had stopped caring about a lot of things. His grades were slipping, and he'd probably have to do some sort of semester recovery in order to pass. Health had been compromised by laziness - he no longer had the desire to take care of himself. And he'd given up on the people in his school within the first few weeks, no surprise there. It was unlikely he'd have another friend besides Gerard.

Another reason why Lindsey was toxic to Frank.

"I'm not going there for break," she said presently. "But it would have been super cool if I had, and we just ran into each other!" She radiated bubbliness and Frank half-expected rainbows to shoot from her pigtails. She was optimistic and adorable, two things Gerard needed. Two things Frank certainly wasn't.

"Super cool," said Frank, which probably sounded a lot more sarcastic and harsh aloud than in his head. He didn't mean to mock her, but when you sounded like a fifth member of the Wiggles, it was hard not to.

Her smile didn't waver, however, and she just leaned her head on Gerard's shoulder. His lips were graced by a grin from the contact, which made Frank's stomach tight. Why couldn't he have that effect on Gerard?

The answer, he realized while drifting off in his algebra class, was simple: he was too young, too clingy, and not open enough. The first of the three was obvious - everyone hated freshman, and it was only a fantasy to date someone two years your senior when you were in high school. Observing the relationship between Lindsey and Gerard had shown the last two in play. Sure, they were on top of each other every second (hell, they were practically fornicating in the car yesterday afternoon, all while poor Frank had a front row seat), but they gave each other space. And the desire of be in each other's presence was obviously mutual, something that was simply one sided with Frank and Gerard. And the two lovers talked about virtually everything, Frank knew for a fact. The way Frank ignored the bruise around Gerard's eye and how Frank never really talked about his problems all indicated a lack of communication that drove Frank up the wall when he saw it in Gerard's new relationship. He wasn't about to lose his friend to some girl, he decided. He would be better.

But for right now, he was still in algebra. Some nameless kid sitting next to him saw the boy's eyes pulling closed and kicked his ankle. Frank let out a sharp gasp as he was snapped out of his half-awake state. The girl in front of him turned around and gave a scornful look, and if Frank had been brave, he would have flicked her off. But the teacher had also looked back, and staying under the radar was Frank's main goal for high school. A detention would just bring him into negative light.

Maybe that's why he couldn't win over Gerard - he was too shy.

But for now, he needed to concentrate. Functions weren't making much sense, and the fact that Frank's paper was completely blank except for a doodle of a boat didn't help his cause. He focused in and tried to understand the lesson, but in doing so, his mind kept wandering back to the same mess he had been concentrating on before. Oh, if only hormones weren't so confusing...

I'm so tired I literally fell asleep editing this

I'm procrastinating homework so here's a new (super short!) chapter huzzah

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-cady