Scars

I lay in the darkness on my not so comfortable bed. The tears begin to drip slowly. As I hold the blade to my wrist, the tears start falling faster and faster the more I force the blade into my wrist. The more I cut, the easier it gets. Suddenly, I don't feel as bad anymore. The room starts spinning quickly as I doze off into a restless sleep.

Chapter 1

It all started when I was a baby.. The pain and agony was nearly unbearable. As I heard them screaming at each other, their anger made me nervous. They got divorced when I was just a baby. They never talked to each other, just talked bad about each other. When my dad got remarried, their relationship was good for the 5 years they were together. I remember my dad being so in love with Sunny. They would have their "I love you fights" as they took care of us. Man, Sunny and my dad were perfect. They were so close and they loved us so much. But there was an issue, Sunny was horribly sick. Her organs never worked well.

When I was younger, she went to the hospital a lot. She always came back and pulled me into her arms and sang "Michelle My Bell" by the Beatles. She was the perfect mom aside from her sickness.

On April 28, 2004, she went into an a coma. I fell to the ground as I barely had hope for her. The room was dark for the both of us.

Chapter 2

When I woke up, Sunny didn't. I paced a lot and when my dad told me she was gone all I would yell was,

"She will come back! She always comes back!"

Being 5 years old, I believed what I said. In December of 2004, (same year Sunny died) my dad remarried. My brother sister and I had never met this mystery woman my dad fell head over heals with. We never met her because we lived in Olathe Kansas and she lived in California. My dad has married three women now and each has had a very obvious issue with them. Tiffany's issue was that she was extremely mentally ill. In January of 2005, we all moved down to Castle Rock Colorado. This was a difficult move for me because my whole family lived out there and Sunny was burried out there.

For about the first month, things were how a family should be. Happy family, happy life. After that first month things started to take a turn in the happiness. Things were crashing a burning very quickly. Tiffany cared less, never came out of her room, and she found a "happy place" for herself by hitting my brother and I. If I only had the guts to open my mouth and tell my dad.

Once, it got so bad that she smashed my head on the wall when my dad was out at work. I collapsed to the ground with my tears streaming down my face almost as much as the blood was pouring out of my head. My blood leaked all over the bathroom floor and she yelled at me to clean it up before my dad got home. I lost a little too much blood and again, blacked out.

Chapter 3

I was startled awake by Tiffany screaming and crying (like a caring mother should) to my dad. She kept telling him that a tripped and fell onto the wall and got smashed up pretty badly. The worst part is that my dad believed her.

Tiffany was a very angry person. She was always upset about something. Her and my dad fought a lot and she always had to find something to accuse him of. One time, she got so angry she kicked my dad, brother, sister, and I all out of the house. She got mad because he opened a letter of hers and she got very upset. I think she was having an addair. She would go out for weeks to hotels and not tell anyone where she was going. oh, when she kicked ot, we were gone for a whole 8 months! I was really hoping that we would never go back, but of course they had to fix their issues. We fully moved back in on May 5, 2009 which ironically is my birthday. Wow, worst birthday present ever. Then, things started to go back to how they used to be.

My sister started sleeping with older guys. I think it was to take away her pain. My sister is a lot like Tiffany, she is very mentally ill.

My brother started doing more and worse drugs, sneaking out to get high, and of course sleeping around more. Its weird because my brother did all these things without being mentally ill.

Tiffany vanished to another hotel in mid may. On June 3, 2009, the cops showed up at my house. My dad had all of us go outside while he talked with the tall built man in a police uniform. While he was still talking with my dad, I walked inside to get a drink of water. Thats the first and only time I've seen my dad cry. I knew exactly what happened before he told anyone.

Chapter 4

As I saw his eyes, bright, puffy, and red, I could tell his heart shattered. Even though she had replaced it when they were together, she made it shatter again. He truly loved this discusting woman. Dad had no idea what she had done to David and I. She hurt us in such a way that no one else could or had.When my dad called Emma, Derek, Brett, Libby, David, and I all in, they had no idea what was going on. But me, I knew exactly what was going on. I was only 11 and had already lost all 3 of the people my dad had married. Everyone got quiet as my dad began to speak,

'Kids, I am very sorry to inform you of this, but mom has passed on."

Libby and I began to sob as we had no idea how we were going to make it. David and Brett sat silent. Derek and Emma were too young to understand what "passed on" actually meant, so, I re-explained it for them,

"Derek, Emma, it means that mom is dead."

I saw their confused faces slowly fade while their sadness replaced the look. The sadness grew in their eyes very strongly. I pulled Emma into my arms as Libby did the same with Derek.  We truly had no idea what we were going to do. Libby and I were too young to even attempt to be a mom. While I thought about this, Brett stood up and walked away. I heard him crying in his room as he called his real father. When his dad showed up, we had already had many other people in our house trying to figure out what had happened. Mark (Brett's dad) decided to take Brett with him for the night. David called up a friend and had him come pick him upso he wouldn't have to deal with all of the bullshit that was going on. That left Derek, Emma, Libby, my dad, and I to try and figure out what all just happened. 

Many people felt bad for us. They wondered why we deal with so much. I hadn't known how she died until the day after. On July 4th, I figured out something I will never be able to understand or forget.