I've always came to paper when I want to express how I feel. in the truth, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. everything makes me angry or irritated. my job, people... there is times when I wanna blame everything and everyone else for making me angry. that they are the reason I am lashing out. when deep down, I think its just me. maybe I am the horrible person, the abusive one.. maybe I did deserve to be hit the times I was. letting my mouth get the better of me with smart comments or being verbally abusive to people who didn't deserve it. just because I think I'm in the right, because of how they angered me. it could be just about anything, disturbing me when I wanna be left alone. just cause they wanna spend time with me, I will get angry and yell at them. wanting to go and do something when I don't want to, the idea of getting out around others when I don't feel like it is exhausting. If I could just shut myself in a room for a couple of months I probably would.
ill always feel guilty after yelling at someone, having bad thoughts about myself. things like, I don't deserve them. If I left, they would be better off. I would be causing them less pain and heartache.
