Lupin The Third: The Gunslinger's Lament

Chapter 13

"No," said Lupin casually enough, though there was something in his face that was almost sinister as he said, "But Jigen is."

Ruby blinked her confusion like Morse code.

"Um... yeah. I suppose Jigen's old enough to be my dad. What exactly are you getting at here?"

She never truly got an answer, as Lupin's expression grew increasingly lascivious. "I can't speak for Pops," he rebounded, leaving Ruby wondering if he'd ever spoken Jigen's name to begin with. "But if you want me to show you just how much your company is desired in this room tonight, I would do so gladly..." Lupin's grin grew quite lewd indeed as he raised his hands and wiggled his fingers, chuckling in a lascivious manner. "Hyeheheheh... Ru...Ru...chaaaaan..."

Ruby would be lying if she said she hadn't been trying to get some kind of a rise out of Lupin. And though subconsciously she knew it was dangerous to tease him, and what the consequences would surely be, when she actually found herself faced with those wiggling fingers and that lascivious chuckle, she found herself awkwardly nervous.

"Um," she said, taking a step back. She felt a drop of sweat running down the back of her neck. "Look, I-I was only teasing. I didn't mean anything in particular by it. You know that. So you can, like, chill with the wiggly fingers and whatnot," she said, still chuckling nervously. "Heh... 'kay?"

But Lupin crept towards her with that salacious smile of his, forcing her to take step after step away from him. In spite of her words of discouragement, he wasn't stopping.

"Oooh. Now my little RuRu-chan is just teasing? I don't know, I think you need proof that it's only the ladies that has Lupin the Third's interest. Heheheh!"

As he came towards her, like a predator stalking its prey, Ruby helplessly retreated until the back of her knees bumped up against the bed and she tumbled backwards.

Well, that was a serendipitous position.

Ruby's eyes were quite wide, and Lupin found it delightful to see that he still had the power to intimidate her after all this time, especially since she'd seen him at his most embarrassing.

Lupin lowered into a squat. In a moment that seemed to move in slow motion, he launched himself straight out of his clothes – pants, shirt, necktie, and all. He sailed through the air, a crazed monkey-man in a white undershirt and striped boxers with his tongue lolling out, ready to ravish her.

"Wooohoooo!!!"

With a gasp, Ruby rolled out of the way, and Lupin planted face-first onto the bed. The impact was enough to make him bounce off the mattress and tumble over the side of the bed and onto the floor with a thump!

Ruby neither rebuked him as Fujiko might have done, nor slapped him as many other women before her had done, nor did she run away as she herself might have done once upon a time. Instead, she seized his discarded clothes, shouting, "Aha! See?! I knew what I saw! That time at the hotel in Wyndham when Goe whacked you over the head... I knew I didn't imagine you leaping out of your clothes!"

While a horny and antagonized Lupin lay sprawled out on the floor, Ruby inspected his clothes with an academic curiosity. She gave them a shake, frowning when she found nothing. No springs, no lifts, no launchers... nothing. Turning back, she tossed Lupin's clothes at him.

"Do that again," she said. "I wanna figure out the trick."

"What trick?" asked Lupin, scrambling back to his feet. "I'm just nimble." He settled back onto the bed with a bounce, sitting on the edge of the mattress with a blatant tent in his boxers. "What?" he asked with a little smile and a tilt of his head. "Was that too much?