Muted Earth

1

The lights on the stage are bright and blinding; my formal wear is hot and uncomfortable, and the crowd of 200 or so is quietly watching all of us on stage. Despite the urge to crawl out of my dress shirt and shield my eyes to see the people observing us, I’m smiling ear to ear. I’m graduating right now. I’ll be moving forward from my primary schooling and moving on to better things.

“The graduating class of 2200 marks a significant time in ISS Gaia’s history. It shows the triumphs of the human race to succeed, to go beyond ourselves for the greater good, and to strive for our second chance at life. After today, these students will be contributing members of our society and will make an impact on our district and our lives.” The grandmaster said the same thing at my sister’s graduation. Protocol, I guess.  He licks his lips before continuing his speech.

There are 97 individuals in my graduating class. I’m perched higher than most, symbolizing my academic success. The bleacher creaks, and I fear for the structural integrity of the highest bench on the stage. Maybe it would be a blessing if I fell through the floor. No, I’d just be embarrassed if I fell. The light in my eyes finally flips a switch of annoyance in my brain, and I instinctively hold my hand to my brow. It’s sweaty. With my hand acting as a visor, I spot Mother and my sister, Etta, in the crowd. Etta’s wearing the nicest dress she owns, which, to the people of the capitol, would look like something that’s been ruined in the wash. It looks that way to everyone here as well, but the difference is that it’s nicer than the majority of clothing here. Either way, she looks pretty. We lock eyes. She gives me her classically sweet smile, and her eyes slim with the rise of her cheeks and the appearance of dimples. I know that she’s proud, that’s certain. Her eyes never leave me on the stage.

Mother’s mouth holds itself in a grim line. She has a strikingly different demeanor from my sister next to her. Overall, her outfit appears unkempt. She barely got up to go to the ceremony. To be frank, my mother is a narcissistic drunk. She has never admitted to anything she’s done wrong in my lifetime. She has such a ‘holy’ view of herself. She raves about how she is the best mother she can be for the circumstances we’re in, but she doesn't mean her alcoholism or the poverty we live in, she means that she’s doing the best she can raising a child she despises. Why she despises me, I don’t like to think about.

“Calloway Greine!”

My classmate’s name is called out by the Grandmaster. Alphabetically, I should be next after him. I never really got to know Calloway, though I heard that he had been held two years behind for ‘misconduct.’ I can’t imagine causing that much trouble. I have the urge to let my thoughts wander farther, and the shaking of my hands might be stilled if I were to take my mind away from the situation. Even if a distraction would calm my nerves, I have to manage to control myself.

“Edsel Grigg!”

I hear the echo of my name fall out of the grandmaster’s throat and carry through the crowd. The timely thump of my shoes follows, and I rise to the height of the silver-adorned man. His face is friendly, wrinkled with age, yet up close, it felt off. This must be the sort of semi-sweetness that comes with the job of grandmaster, or maybe it was a semi-sweetness that only came with me. At this point, I wish I had watched and listened more carefully to the other students to get their certificates. It might have told me whether or not this notion is true.

“You have been awarded a graduation diploma, as well as the yearly grandmaster’s award for significant achievement in academics. Congratulations, Mr. Grigg.”

He shakes my hand, and I offer him a weak smile. The crowd gives me a polite clap, and I make my way back to my high perch, above my class. I’m dreading it still. The rest of the ceremony is a fever dream.