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Have you ever wanted to escape? To escape the life. The pain. The terror. The bad. The heartbreak.
Running. Trying to escape from your own thoughts.
Last night I cried a deep, guttural cry. Many tears fell.
*ring ring ring*
My phone alarm went off. That means its 5 o'clock and time to start another day of misery and loneliness.
As I lay in my dark room i think on the last few weeks. My year long crush actually likes me back. He even sent me a picture of his dick. The only good thing that happened over Christmas Break, sadly.
But even when things are going good my mind will always focus on the negative.
"Time to get up its 5:30," I say as I force myself up and out of my bed. I feel a sudden wave of fatigue as i hear ringing in my ears and i lay back down for a few seconds.
"I need some coffee," I say as I attempt to get up again. I'm successful this time.
I get up and brush my teeth. Washing the sleep out of my eyes with cold water as I sigh. Then a picture of him flashes in my head.
Tall, lightskin, with dyed ginger dreads. Literally my dream. With or without the dye if you're reading this bae.
"Good morning," i say to my Dad as I walk to the coffee pot.
Coffee stains my teeth real bad. Its the reason they aren't white but I'm literally addicted to it. I blame my parents for letting me try it from such a young age.
It's really the only drug I've did. No alcohol. No weed. Definitely no crack.
After drinking coffee, I changed to my school uniform. My school's uniform consists of khaki pants and an orange polo shirt. Its gotten boring but they are nice colors i guess.
I drove to school and went into the school parking lot. I sat in my car for a while, observing the chaos around me. Another stressful day is ahead of me and I dont know if I can take it.
I grabbed my backpack and got out of my car, locking the door behind me, of course.
I walked to my friends Cece, Nubia, and Layla.
"Hey guys," I say, lowly.
I'm kind of shy especially in the morning.
"Hey JJ," they say in almost unison.
I give them all a group hug.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. The boy i've been talking to, Kam, texted me. He wants me to meet him at the school restroom. "I got a dick appointment yall," I say proudly, " Imma talk to yall later."
"Bye... wait you got a what?!" Layla says as i walk off.
I laugh under my breath.
Speaking of breath it's quite fast. My heart is beating extremely fast. Ive talked to several people before but ive never actually did anything. Idk how you people get down but the bathroom is too public idk.
Imagine if someone catches- I burry that thought deep in the back of my head.
The first bell just rung so I have 10 minutes to do the do and get to class before im late.
As i walk into the restroom he reaches to grab at me and pulls me closer to him. We have a noticeable height difference so he picks me up and we kiss.
It was so sudden that I didn't necessarily understand what was happening until a few moments later.
His soft lips colliding with mines. Feeling the stubble on his chin. His tongue going into my mouth tasting my mouth and me tasting his. His hands having a strong grip on my ass sent me to an even higher state of euphoria.
I hear the sounds of a phone camera shutter as I let out a moan of ecstasy.
"YALL NIGGAS GAY AS FUCK," I heard.
I heard the approaching footsteps but I was too in the moment to think about the possible repercussions.
This is my first kiss. And this is how it goes. Im gonna be ruined, literally. Im going to go viral and my parents are going to see.
Im not even out to them yet.
I feel so stuck I literally dont know what to do.
I escape from Kam's grasp and run out of the restroom.
Pushing past the damn near mob of people yelling homophobic slurs.
I hope Kam will be okay.
But now i definitely need to get to class. I run to my music theory class and sit in the corner. Kam walks in a few minutes later clearly shaken up. He sits next to me snd sighs. His head in both of his hands. He is clearly stressed.
His brother is a senior and one of the most popular people in the school. This will ruin him but he is more worried about what his brother will think. I know he cares about his brother a lot.
After about 5 minutes both of our phones start dinging nonstop. People in the class start pointing at us and laughing.
The video got out.
Shit shit shit shit.
I have social anxiety and all of this... extremely negative attention was literally making me tear up.
Without even talking to the teacher I get up and leave the school. I run past the security guard who is old and out of shape and straight to my house which is a 15 minute walk from the school.
Im sprinting, feeling all of the sadness snd embarrassment. My lungs ache because of the stress of my full on sprint and because of the fact that i want to cry and scream.
I finally make it home.
Since i was running it made the 15 minute commute into a 5 minute workout.
As i shut the front door and lock it. I finally feel a bit of safety and privacy.
And I finally let myself cry. You know.. one of those loud guttural cries when you're really sad.
"Jay why are you crying," my Mom said from the Kitchen, "and why the hell are you home its only 8 o'clock."
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
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I've been debating on even writing this.
I decided to finish it.
Tell me it you like it!
And more importantly what do you think Jay will do?
Will he lie? or tell his mom the truth?
New chapter coming soon I promise ❤️
