Midnight Thoughts and Memories

Prologue

Liking someone at a young age is such a pleasant experience. But, if we let it grow and reach a long time, it might be challenging to get over that person and move on. It gives us lots of emotions: happiness, sadness, excitement, jealousy at some point, and many more. We can say that at this age, we were able to experience such innocent admiration and crush towards a person who is somewhat precious to us. It became a part of our lifestyle to see them, talk to them, or spend time with them. We do everything to be happy and to make that person happy too.

In my case, we didn't talk. He might not even know me. But I wonder why up until now, I still can't forget about him. Since high school, I have liked and admired him from afar and hoped he would also notice me. It didn't reach a creepy stage, don't worry. I only know one thing: he will always be a part of my life, even if I lose my feelings toward him. I just became so used to thinking about him that it has become a part of my routine.

I have long accepted that there is little chance of him noticing me, especially now that we are in different universities in a vast city. Yes, I could message him right now, like immediately, but I won't do that. Why? It is because he might already have a lover, a person he admires most, or is very busy with schoolwork.

I do not expect my story about this crush to end happily and for us being together. I just wanted to share my thoughts and feelings as I go through this stage wherein, I feel alone and unwanted despite the family and friends I have around me. I feel loved, but I can't ignore the fact that I sometimes get jealous of my friends having someone to talk to day and night.

But I won't get it over me. I believe it is not yet the right time to experience that, and I will continuously make myself feel that I don't need that right now, even though I think I do need it right now.