Dysphoria

Attention Seeker

I always wanted to impress people by lying to them and myself. I'm the kind of guy who posts lies about myself thinking I'll have more friends and seek attention. Most of the time I did it for girls cause why not? I think I became more of a loser lying through the internet by posting bullshit about what my life is and how happy I am but on the other side my soul is laughing at me because I sit here typing and typing not doing anything but take a hoot about other people when it's the best time to find a job. Then there's this time when I hang out with my friends to go out skating and as we're talking I seem to talk more than they do because I like to be the topic and after a few minutes of them listening to what I was saying, I kinda felt like they weren't listening anymore cause I became unsatisfied that I had to top up the story more like a boastful teenager trying to impress. After what happened they went somewhere and I was just buying a stick cigar and they just disappeared. I sat down and thought of what if someone would listen to my stories and no one does because I kept telling lies trying to impress people. I sat down and felt bad about it for a couple of hours I felt lonely again. I always feel like nothing is satisfying anymore, I don't enjoy things I used to do so I lie to add excitement to myself and wonder if they would buy it. I kept lying and lying till no one trusted me anymore and as a result, lying became a part of my life where it's normal to lie in serious stuff. So karma is real, don't lie it'll end up bad for you but for me... I kinda understand that I lie because I can't even stop it so what did every time I lie I tell them that I was lying directly. I gotta say as I'm writing this I am fucking lost and don't know what I'm saying but I hope some of y'all found this relatable. Peace of advice... Don't lie and if you accidentally did tell them it's a lie right away so you could prevent yourself from karma if you don't wanna lose your friends, Don't try to seek attention and fight it, it's better to be true, and be alone cause that's how you'll be able to find yourself.