mini stories :)

~ cassie ~

tw: abuse, and suicide thoughts

cassie.

she was a broken girl from the beginning of her life. She never felt loved by the both of her parents.. they were never home either, they were out getting drunk or working all the time. when they are home, they argue for hours. it's been like this for Cassie since she was a little girl. she faintly remembers laying in her bed, and hearing the sounds of glass breaking and screaming from the other room. all she did was just cry. she couldn't help but feel it was all her fault that her parents were like this.

Now that she has grown up, it's gotten worse. some nights Cassie doesn't sleep. she stays awake staring at the ceiling, wondering where it went all wrong. She would sit in her bed, and feel so empty. like everything was taken from her life. Her parents, her boyfriend, friends. she feels like she has no one anymore. everyone leaves her and it terrifies her now. all she wants is to be loved, but her heart keeps getting broken by the people she loves the most. A few days ago, her boyfriend broke up with Cassie. 'maybe it's the way i dressed? was i fat? am i to skinny? do i need more make-up?" the thoughts floated around her head and she hated it. she couldn't understand why she couldn't be enough for anyone to stay with her and love her.

Sometimes she thinks about life and how it would be if it wasn't so fucked up. Maybe she would actually feel happy, maybe even her boyfriend would stay with her. She feels like it's her fault that he left. she started tearing up and broke down immediately. the tears flowing down her face felt numb to her skin. it was like a routine now. she couldn't ever get why things turned out the way it was. Cassie turned to things such as getting drunk, sneaking out, hooking up, and doing drugs to numb the constant pain. It never did though, cause at the end of the day she was still the lonely little girl who sits in her bed, and cries. her tears lessened and she laid still on her bed. She felt emotionless, almost as if the pain of everything sunk. The feeling of being numb, is where you just stop caring and it doesn't phase you anymore. and that's what was happening to Cassie, she felt numb. she didn't know what else to do but just to sleep. how would she even fix things? it can't be undone. she thought maybe life had something against her.

Cassie pulled the covers over her body and laid still. She was feeling very exhausted and drained from the current events of her life. She felt like dying. she wanted to sallow in a big black hole and disappear forever. she hated having attachment issues.. she hated being in love. she hated it. because.. she never felt like she was even ever loved. if he loved her, why would he leave her? some things didn't make since to the young teenager. and it killed her on the inside. she's sick and tired of faking and waking up everyday. she wiped her face, and closed her eyes gently. 'i need to sleep' she thought. and after that, she crashed. one thing Cassie noticed about sleeping, it feels like you are dead. your dreams come true. you get to experience a whole another life when you dream. she wishes her dreams were her reality. then maybe..just maybe.. she would feel whole again.