Recovery

Slowly but surely I'm forgetting you. I'm losing touch with what I believed was love. Our photographs are old memories I'm leaving behind in a place I choose not to go back to. I can't seem to remember what you look like anymore & I've disposed all of your possessions that I decided to hold on to for so long. I didn't need them but I kept them because they gave me comfort. It was a sign of hope that maybe you'd come back for them, for me. Thing was you never did. I'm not sure why I'm complaining. Isn't that I wanted? To forget about you entirely and all together? In a way I do but you were once my main priority. You had such a huge impact on my life and in a way I'll always care and you'll always matter. But crying each night and blaming myself for the reason you left isn't going to make things better. It won't make you change your ways and run back to me. It'll only cause me more grief and depression. I've learned to accept that your happy with someone who isn't me. What I haven't accepted is how you haven't acknowledged what you did wrong. I doubt you'll ever realize what you did and how it made me feel. I mean what valid reason could there have been? I tried but maybe I tried too hard or maybe not hard enough. I didn't speak the words you wanted to hear. Maybe that was the issue. Idk. Every thing that was us races through my mind and I'm left there wondering what I did and what went wrong and could I have done anything fix it. I shouldn't hold myself back from better opportunities but its the fear of reliving my past that has held me back for so long. I wish this feeling would go away but in a way I don't regret you even if you made me feel like shit. It wasn't all always this way. I remember back to a time where it was laughs, moonlit walks, morning kisses, dinners, bear hugs, etc. I remember the heat of the moment and the way my heart skipped a beat when you were around. The way my knees got weak and stomach filled with the worst of butterflies. I remember the first time I laid my eyes on you and our first date. It was the way each moment we shared felt better then the last. It was those moments of silence with the steady breathing of our hearts in sync. It was the way you'd hold me close and kiss my forehead. It was the way your clothes hugged my each and every curve perfectly. It was the arguments that made me realize relationships aren't perfect but those who make them work were made to last. Every memory, every kiss, every laugh, every movie, they were a part of us. I may not like to admit it but I wish you were still around. I miss your presence, & how you'd leave me breathless. You were in every way fascinating and beautiful.