Letters To Alex

Nothing

This chapter is dedicated to my friend Jackie. She is my in real life best friend and I honestly wouldn't know what to do without her. As well it's dedicated to Rachel ! <3 (LovingLifeIsNew) Who is my best friend as well. She truly does understand me like no other. Both her and Jackie are amazing and I couldn't live without them (: (They are the inspirations behind Evelyn's best friends ;p)

It's finally here! I'm soooo sorry to all the people who have had to wait so long for this chapter. Things happen and I just wasn't able to right or focus on much else but my life. It felt so good to be writing again though. I hope this chapter was worth the wait. I even tried to make this chapter the longest yet. I really really want to know what you guys think, so please do comment your thoughts, it would be very much appreciated c:

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I knew I had never had a chance. Why had I ever even hoped or dreamed of having some kind of future with Alex. I left the cafeteria as fast as I could. I couldn't be in that cafeteria any longer. I heard my friends calling out my name, but I paid no attention to them, I just wanted to get out of there. Dumping my tray at the nearest trash can, food untouched, I made my way to the library. Most girls would have gone to the restroom to pour out their hearts or even to wallow in their own tears, certainly not me. I'd rather write what I was feeling down or immerse myself in anything that could distract me from my feelings. That was how I usually dealt with my emotions. Today, my selected method would be to read. By reading I could just completely lose myself in the story and just forget...at least for a few moments. Ignorance was my bliss.

Walking through the hallways and up the stairs to the door of the library. I stopped in front of the wood door and discreetly rubbed my eyes, hopefully removing any traces of the few tears that had managed to escape. Pushing open the door I walked into the library and gave Ms. Sprite a brief greeting before heading to my favorite spot in our small school library.

My favorite spot in the library was a small round black table that was seated off in the far corner of the library. One reason I loved this spot was because of the sense of privacy it gave me. The table was in a corner few people ever ventured in. It was hidden between the few desktop computers in the library. Another was because the table was put in from of one of the large windows in the library. I liked to just gaze out onto the street below and enjoy the peacefulness.

Sitting down at the table I pulled out "Water for Elephants" from my backpack. I had already read it more times than I could count, but even as I read it over and over again I still loved it as though I were reading it for the first time. I was so immersed in the book that I hardly heard Ms. Sprite when she warned me about the ten minutes I had before the first bell rang.

I put away "Water for Elephants" and decided to use five of the last ten minutes I had to write a letter to Alex. Ignorance would only last for so long, I knew I would have to face the pain sooner or later and I chose sooner.

Dear Alex,

I knew you liked Sophia. I had known since the beginning, since the first time I had seen you hanging out with her. I had known it, but somewhere deep inside of me I had had a sliver of hope. That small sliver was gone now. I should just give up. Why keep trying and hoping and dreaming of something that will never happen. I'm coming to terms that you will never come close to even looking at me the same way you look at Sophia.

I put my pen down and stared blankly at the letter. I couldn't continue writing anymore. If I did I would just end up crying. Sighing, I gently laid my head down on my notebook and closed my eyes. Why do I feel so strongly about him? Why is he so different from anyone else I have ever liked?

My thoughts were interrupted by once again Ms. Sprite's warning. I sluggishly picked up my stuff and headed to my locker. School was the last place I wanted to be at right now. I walked at a snail place having no motivation to go to class.

I got to my locker in a numb like state. It was like my body was on auto-pilot and I had no control over it. I didn't want to face the rest of the day. I didn't want to be bombarded with the questions of my friends. I know they noticed my swift exit from the cafeteria. I could always lie to them, I could say I had homework due that I had completely forgotten about. I sighed, I knew that Jackie and Rachel would catch me on my lie. They were my bestfriends, they knew me better than anyone. I wasn't going to be able to lie to them. I didn't want to lie to them even if I could, but I honestly didn't want to talk to anyone, much less explain this morning events.

Resigning myself I quickly grabbed my notebooks and supplies for the day. I shoved my backpack into my locker a bit too harshly, slamming my locker locker shut. A few people turned their heads in my direction, but I didn't care.

I quickly turned around and walked down the crowded hallway in a hurry, bumping into a few people and getting some nasty glares in return. I just wanted the day done and over with. In my haste I completely forgot that Alex's locker was right next to my first hour class, which was science.

As I neared my class I stopped dead in my tracks. There Alex was at his locker with none other than Sophia. Of course they would be sharing a locker together. I looked at Sophia; at her perfect skin, here perfectly curled long black hair and her beautiful light carmel brown eyes. She was the definition of perfect.

My heart completely shattered. I was nothing compared to her.

A few tears escaped. As my tears fell, Alex noticed me standing there, tears rolling down my cheeks. He looked so worried. To my complete and utter shock he started to move towards me. He had not gotten further than a few feet when Sophia grabbed his attention. It seemed he had just completely forgotten about me the moment she talked to him. I lost it then. A flood of tears came cascading down. I had to leave, be anywhere else, but this hallway. I rushed away.

Alex had just proved my point. I was nothing compared to her.