I lost you but I will never lose you in me

The feeling

The days were fine with no feeling of anything and neither any awareness of anything...was just doing fine and thought that everything will be okay. Enjoying life and things that made life amazing, sometimes these things just cloud our vision towards life. In schools, we are always taught about discovering our hobbies and interests, what a kid really wants to become, and discovering who we are, but nobody has ever talked about dealing with yourself with your own mind, how to be strong and how to fight the evil inside. Nobody talks about the darkest phase of life when you start to dislike the things that you have been in love with. No person no hobby really helps you during your darkest stage. How to deal with anything when you start hating yourself? In the movies, people simply talk about superhero who always rescue one from danger, but how true is that? Where is my superhero? Nobody told me about how to find a superhero and where he lives exactly. 

The awareness of reality is so vague and lost...probably in adults too that they do not convey it to the kids. The kid starts growing up, well parents do their best by sending them to the best school possible...thinking that this will make their life...this is how they will be successful. Every parent works hard to pay the school fees of their kids because they are assured that these huge building with a well-polished crowd will polish their kids as well. Little do they know polish only makes the shine from the outside even though a shoe is broken from the inside (not their fault). So the kid starts going to school, and being friends with all the other polished kids. Sometimes also bullied for their broken pronunciation and the old-style tiffin boxes. The humiliation is painful for that small beautiful kid, he might not perform well in school because of it. But on the PTM, the teacher will complain about how notorious the kid is and doesn't study at all. Well, honestly the teacher has no time to look a little deeper (not their fault). The parents get really disappointed..."Oh what a waste of money". Beating...shouting...crying... Told if the kid doesn't study well he might have to go back to the village (What a luxury). The schools starts again and the kid is like maybe something is wrong with me...I shouldn't focus on these things and should put my energy in study...Trying and trying...meet good people, make new friends and feels good talking to them. 

School ends with good grades or not so good moving on in life... stressing more on the future... a good bunch of friends and a great college and yeah pretty much everything the kid wanted. Oh what a life...fun fun in all the external factors. Now in a rush for a better future which always was thought to be bright. Study...Job...grinding and grinding. Until one day "The dark glomy day"...poor child...nobody told him about the days when you start feeling low...days when you don't feel like yourself...days which has no life no hope...days when all you can remember is your failure. Hitting the rock bottom...the place totally unknown. Friends and family will be calling out your name but its so dark that the kid cannot figure out a way out. Running...shouting...hitting the rocks...crying and then tired the kid sits down in an empty place. Outside people shouting and motivating the kid that help will arrive soon just calm down...but only the kid knows how scary it is...pitch dark. The kid feels directionless, hopeless and helpless...

Somebody threw a rope...but its too dark for the kid to find the rope...thinking about the superhero to come and rescue... people who were calling out the kids name are now tired. So now who will help the kid... no superhero probably...the darkness teaches a lot of things to the kid...the loneliness...with the mind always talking...loudly...no other voice but just the voice in his head wont leave him. Whatever money and years he spent in school and college went all waste...when he does not even know how to calm his own mind. Drained in all the emotion and captivated in his own mind one day the kid finally finds the rope... but going back to the old place will again be a tiring journey with hearts broken and all dreams shattered.