a kiss on the wrist

Chapter 43- evergreen trees

"Shots for breakfast?" I asked quietly, pulling out the chair adjacent from him, looking at the clock which read 5:47
" nothing else seems to satisfy"

That's all he said before handing me a shot as well. " I don't want to drink alone'" he pleaded pushing it further toward me. I looked down on it, knowing full well I shouldn't, but I did. Before I knew it the liquid as burning a river down my throat, down until only the sting was left. I watched as he poured another and another eventually just residing in the bottle itself. His silence was the only thing filling the a.m.

"Zayn tell me what's happened" I finally spoke rejecting the drink in front of me, he shook his head. "well then at least stop poisoning yourself further," I replied, reaching out to take the bottle for his hand.
His eyes only stared at me, his eyes holding a fiery glow, "Give it here zayn, you don't need it," i told him, gently pulling it away from his grasp. "I'll get you some water and you can get going on that"

As I stooped up he grabbed my hand, as I looked down on him, I saw it ,his eyes no longer held the fury and fire as before, I saw the pain that was no longer hiding, it was as clear as the alcohol on his breath. "I-I I don't know h-how to handle this," his lip quivered "and I know that you're the last person I should be coming to about this , but no one else understands like you do rob, I've tried to hold in it the best I can but sometimes it's too much" his arms wrapped around me, enveloping me in a hug, a hug that he needed, a hug that I needed as well. "Zayn people can't stay forever eventually everyone leaves whether you want them to or not, you can beg until you're heart stops beating,  but they never come back and you've wasted your life wishing for something that would've ever happened, and you're the only one who gets hurt at the end of the day." I hugged him a bit tighter and Closed my eyes as he let out a shaky breath.

"It's hard to believe but sooner or later things will be better Zayn, things will go back to feeling normal, the pain will stop and the dreams will go away. The memories will still be there but it won't hurt to remember them or think about the times shared together. You'll be able to look at the pictures again and not feel completely trashed with emotions, thinking that there was more you could've done even though you know there wasn't."

"Robin do you think he knows how much he meant to us? Like his friends?" I opened my eyes and nodded. "Niall cared about you guys alot, and I Know that he knew you guys did too." I reassured him rubbing his back soothingly. "How about you go get cleaned up and we can go get something to eat alright " his smile was small and weak but it was there none the less. I sat down and placed my head in my hands taking a deep breath.

Niall.
everything I told Zayn was a lie for me. I need to reassure myself of all that, but I can't. it will never feel normal again, the dreams will never go away, the pain will always be there. And no , all the memories will never go away , that part is true, but it will always hurt to remember them or think about the times we had together. I'll never be able to look at the pictures again or even remotely step foot in his room.

He's gone, and Ive accepted that, but coming to terms with the life that follows after losing him is what I don't want to cope with. No matter how many times I try to forget about him or not think about him , there he is. Right there, clear as day in my mind.

Apart of me misses the emptiness before him, but then I think again and realize all I have now is because of Niall. Everyone. Everything. Because of him.

I'm pulled from my thoughts as not Zayn, but Louis sits down next to me. He looks dead. That's Morning Louis.

"Why am I awake," he groans not even looking at me, but blankly blinking at the wall in front of him. "Robin"

"Yes Louis,"

"You smell disgusting, vodka is not perfume ," he says handing me the bottle. I roll my eyes and grab it from him seeing as he isn't going to be moving. "It's Zayn, found him in here this morning and then I had a few"