Just For A Moment - (l.s)

Harry's POV

a few things to note:
- louis was not at the brit awards in 2020, but it is where this is set so go tf along with it :)
- coarse language but nothing triggering or sexual
- "Liz" "Lizzy" and "Melissa" are all referring to Lizzo
- louis is wearing the black fitted suit from the BBC Music awards 2015 (the one with the alien socks)
- H is wearing the bright yellow suit with the purple ruffles from this award show
- Gemma accompanied H, but he's been dating O.W. for about two months

tell me how it is at the end!
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"What is he doing here?" I hiss at Liz, leaning over the back of my chair to do so.

As far as I knew, he wasn't nominated for any Brits this year; hell, he'd barely touched an award since the band, which I was honestly quite smug about, not that I'd admit it aloud.

"I don't know, Haz, but don't let him get to you. He's irrelevant, the only things that matter tonight are me and that stage."
"Forgot this was all about you, Lizzy." I returned acrimoniously.
"Oh it's always about me." she grinned.

A waiter breezes past and she calls the young guy over. He looks about twenty or so, sharp cheekbones and a handsome grin, his feathery brown hair a mnemonic of pleasant memories, piercingly followed by less amiable images of the aftermath.

"Two glasses of neat tequila, thank you, babe." Liz requests on my behalf. Gratefully glancing at her, I pray I get drunk enough to forget his face, the one I spotted across the crowd above his stark, fitted suit. Handsome as ever, though looking far more tired since last we amassed, with heavy eyebags and an aura of bitterness.

"Melissa, darling, I'm popping to the loo."
"Stop talking like a posh fucking pom."
"Never, Lizzy dear, for it does annoy you so." I smirked, turning in the clear directions of the bathroom sign. I never annoy anyone this way besides Liz, Gems and the Tomlinson girls.

My smile fades at the thought of them. I wasn't invited to Fizzy's funeral, though I know Niall was in attendance. The rift between myself and Lottie and Fizz had grown drastically after the breakup, and the younger ones barely remembered me, I assumed. Not that it mattered, of course. They're just my exes' family. 

That's all they are to me.

I wander into an unnaturally sterile bathroom, the shining white tiles feeling too forced, too perfect. These award show bathrooms are always impeccable, not a soap bar out of place. Well; motion activated dispenser. Either way, imperfections create beauty, in my eyes. I never was one who liked the glamour of the unnecessarily shining estates of my peers; I always preferred to live how I like, unless I'm touring. It's more cosy, cluttered. Home-y.

Once I've done my business in the furthest of the six cubicles, I approach the large basins, the motion-activated faucet spraying warm water.

"Fancy meeting you here."

His voice sends me back to the apartment in Princess Park, the scent of yorkshire tea wafting up through the house, his raucous laughter carrying up the stairs.

It sends me back to his tearful eyes as he refuses to meet mine, his harsh tone not suiting his usual demeanor, his voice cracking as he says those dreadful words; "We're over, Harry."

"What do you want, Tomlinson?" I snap, roughly ripping some paper towels from the roll. His slight smile turns to a furrowed brow.

"I just want to talk, Haz."
"Don't call me that."
"Sorry, Harry. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for the way things ended."

I scoff at that, raising my eyebrows as I pointedly stare at him in the mirror.

"Haz- Harry. You never deserved that. I wasn't half good enough for you, and the way I just... I'm sorry."
"How is he?"
"Who?"
"The boy. Freddie. He's the reason you dumped me, correct? Not that I blame him, of course, not his fault his father's a shitbag." I say calmly.
"Woah. Harry, I'm trying to apologise here."
"Yeah, well you're about five years too late!" 

My anger is taking over, anger I had thought to have left behind. I had honestly concluded that I had marooned that in my past, though my reactions prove otherwise.

"Harry.. what happened with Briana, it was a huge mistake. I don't deserve your forgiveness, or to.. to have you back.. but, you still deserve to hear it. I am sorry."
"Freddie; what's he like?"
"Oh. Um. He's... well, he's the best. He's just turned four, the darling. I am sorry, but I don't... I don't regret him, not even the tiniest bit. He's the best thing to ever happen to me." A grin is now on his face; clearly the one thing he did right was have that kid.

I always imagined Louis as a father; and I am happy that happened for him, even though it's not how I would've liked. We had plans for a surrogate, or maybe adoption. I didn't even care how, I just wanted someone to love, look after, who wasn't nearly thirty and independant.

"Well. I need to get back to Liz, before this all starts." I gesture towards the door, but I'm yet to take a step. It's like I'm waiting for him to let me leave, which is entirely ridiculous.

"I saw.. I saw that you're dating, um, Olivia Wilde."
"Yeah. She's wonderful."
"You know she's kind of.. ignorant. Like, about us. Queer people. She just... she might be a nice person but don't let her say shit about your sexuality."
"This is not your relationship to comment on, Tomlinson. So if you-"
"She's not enough for you, Harry, I don't think anyone is." He rushes. "You deserve the whole goddamn world and instead you got a shithead like me and a handful of fame-obsessed women who aren't enough for you, nobody is enough for you. Sorry. Um. Good luck tonight, and tell... Lizzo? Tell her good luck too. Um. Yeah. Bye."

With those words, he's out the door. As I slowly exit, I see his head turned to the floor as he promptly heads back to his table, taking a seat between Lewis Capaldi and Eleanor, laughing at something the scotsman said as he reaches them. 

I return to my own table, taking my seat to the back of Lizzy.

"Melissa, darling, I've returned."
"Haz, I swear to god. Shut up."

I waste away the night, drinking glass after glass of neat tequila until I'm so off my face I can't feel my toes and only vaguely recognize Gemma. 

But when I wake the next morning on Gemma's couch, still in my crumpled yellow suit, my TPWK pin mysteriously missing, I can feel those blue eyes piercingly staring. And for just a moment, I can pretend that he's across from me, on a blow-up mattress, about to put on the kettle. That when I drive home, he'll be in the passenger seat, blasting The Fray through the car speakers to drown out swimming hangover headaches. That when I collapse onto my own bed, he'll be beside me, holding me close as we sleep off the alcohol.

That he's there.

He's here.

Just for a moment.

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how was that?

it's pretty dialogue-heavy compared to my last one-shot (tear away my tattoos). hope you enjoyed anyway tho lol.

btw if you were confused, L cheated on H with Briana in 2015, told H when B got pregnant, and H dumped him. H also then called the break, and they never went back bc H and L weren't on good enough terms. 

btw this fic was originally titled "not enough" (some of yall may've seen that on my yt community) but I changed it bc its my fic and i can do what i like hahahahahahaa :)

-A xx.