A fuckboy will always break your heart - Harry Styles.

A fuckboy will always break your heart.

It had been a few weeks since I'd last seen or spoken to Harry. We had been a part of the same friend group for a few years. A few months ago though, our friendship had changed. We had been to a party with our usual group of friends, something we did every now and then. However that night Harry and I had gotten just drunk enough to take things further. Forever changing the dynamic of the group. 

My best friend Sigrid, whom I've known all my life, had been my ticket in to the friend group. She had left our small town for college, whereas I had stayed behind working at our local grocery store to save up some money before I could join Sigrid in the city. 

For a few months now we had met up regularly for some casual and unrestricted sex. At least that was how it had started. What I hadn't expected though was suddenly catching feelings for this guy. This guy that had been my friend. But that led us to that one evening a few weeks ago. We had agreed to meet up at my place before a night out with our friends. Everything had been as usual. It wasn't until afterwards I suddenly needed to share my thoughts. Something I wish I hadn't. 

He was sat at the end of my bed putting on his socks, as I quietly said. 

"Do you like me?".

He turned around to look at me. A confused look in his face.

"Of course I like you, Y/N."

"No.. I mean... ". I sighed, not sure how to continue.

"Do you think you could ever like me?" I asked. 

"As more than a friend?" I added, and looked down at my hands in my lap. 

"Oh.." He said as he turned his body around so he was facing me completely. 

 He looked at me for a second, thinking about what to say. His soft eyes studying every inch of my face. Making me melt slightly. 

"If I've got to be completely honest with you, Y/N... I don't know..". He said. Leaving me with heavy feeling in my chest. I looked down at my hands again, in an attempt to hide how his answer made me feel. 

"I mean..." He continued. 

"Will you please look at me?" he said, making me raise my eyes up to look in to his. 

"I think what we have right now is enough for me... I like what we have right now." he said, and took one of my hands in his. He gave my hand a little squeeze. 

"I understand... I do..." I said as I pulled my hand out of his hold. I could tell that him holding my hand while kindly turning me down, was only making me feel worse about it all. 

"I like what we have as well.. I just think... I think I need more." I said quietly. 

"Do you want to stop this?" He asked, in a slightly annoyed tone, making me reconsider my next words. 

"That's not what I'm saying, Harry." I sighed. 

"What are you saying then?" He looked at me.

"I want more..." I said. 

"Fine." He said, got up and left without saying another word. Leaving me behind with the tears welling up in my eyes, as I sat looking at the door slightly confused, wishing he would turn around and come back to me. 

- 

Now here we were a few weeks later. Our friend group had planned a get together tonight. My best friend Sigrid had spent the last week trying to convince me to go. I wasn't proud of it, but she had managed to do exactly that. 

So here I was at Sigrid's place helping her tidy up the last pieces of items before everyone else would start to show up. 

"Everything will be fine, Y/N." Sigrid said, taking the glasses from me and putting them down on the sofa table. 

"Yes, you're absolutely right... because I won't be talking to him at all." I said. She laughed. 

"Probably will be for the best." She said, and shook her head at me. 

"Nothing like a fight to ruin the party." She said, sticking in her tongue out at me. Making me throw a pillow her way. 

- 

An hour later everyone was finally here. Sigrid was running back and forth from the kitchen to the livingroom, making sure everyone had drinks and snacks. Her apartment wasn't the biggest. Especially her livingroom. Which meant the eight of us was squished together, making it difficult to avoid anyone. Just lovely, I thought. I was sat on the armchair closest to the door leading in to the kitchen. I had told Sigrid it was so I could help her if she needed it, but really it was to make it easier for myself to run away, if I needed it. 

A lot of chatter, alcohol and snacks had lighten my mood slightly. Harry seemed to not acknowledge my existence, I the same with him. Luckily our friends talked so much it didn't make much of a difference. I had lost the count of drinks I'd had already, as Sigrid seemed to pour me another drink as soon as I had emptied the glass. Everything was starting to get blurry, and suddenly all I wanted was to dance. It was as Sigrid could read my mind because before I knew it she had taken my hand and pulled me up from the armchair. The small area between the open doorway and the lounge area had become our dance floor. 

The night seemed to go way too quickly. The alcohol, dancing and laughing keeping me entertained. Making my thoughts focus on everything else but him. It was a nice break from the past few weeks sadness. 

-

The clock had turned 3am and everyone had started talking about going out. I wasn't really feeling it. I had started feeling all the alcohols effect on me and had struggled to keep my eyes open for a while. Sigrid told me it was okay to stay home, and her bed was mine if I wanted to sleep in it for the night. An offer that was incredibly difficult to turn down, I thought. 

So as everyone made their way out the door, I slowly made my way in to her bedroom. Started taking off my socks and jeans. A bit of a struggle but I managed, and dove straight in under the comforter and fell asleep in no time. 

-

I woke up to noise coming from the livingroom. My eyes struggling to open up as it had gotten bright in the bedroom. I must have forgotten to close the blinds, I thought. I slowly removed the comforter of off my body, and sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes free from the sleep. I got up to go see what the noise was coming from. 

The sight that met me in the livingroom was one I had never imagined would happen. I was stood, frozen, by the door. On the sofa was Harry laying with Sigrid on top of him. Neither noticing my existence in the room. 

I ran back to the bedroom, quickly putting on my jeans, socks and shoes. Grabbing my bag by the door and slammed the front door on my way out. The tears already falling down my cheeks.