愛？

chapter 9

The next day after that all of us had to go to school like nothing ever happened in addition in the evening we had to go to the dojo and do testing…
Apparently everyone passed and I’m on the list so I’m very happy. On the weekend it was the Christmas party and well I thought that my  ‘brown eyes’ would go… but as usual he didn’t showed up. So I was a little upset. Few days later it was someone’s birthday and we were invited…
And here is where the problem begins …
I believe that his ex was there and I guess he still likes her or something and of course I got jealous but I would not put myself into that place of where people would  see how I feel that would make me look weak so I started faking that I was enjoying the party. The following day I went to train because that’s my therapy, and he appeared at the dojo, to be honest I can’t describe how I felt but I just felt as if a hot vapour went up from my feet to my head causing an eruption of smoke slowly blurring my concentration on what I was doing. The thing I dislike is that he-he still looks as if he still has feelings towards me but i- I don’t know if it’s just my head that don’t want to let him go…
I still like him but he doesn’t…
I don’t know what to do…
It’s been over a year that I had, had felt attraction towards him …
But it seems that his feelings towards me had faded the same way my kindness faded the day my grandfather passed away. It doesn’t matter how much I try to forget him it’s impossible to do so…
And it’s funny how everything reminds me of him …
Songs all of sudden were about him, colours were suddenly from him, words, and phrases every single thing!
Everything!
And every small thing he does always take me to remember why I fell for him…
But…
I have to say…
That I appreciate everything that he showed me for the first time…
Like for example my first kiss
Thank you ‘mi amor’
I’ve come to realize that the best act of love, is to letting go…
People have the right to find their own happiness even though it’s not with you…
I also had come to realize that…
I belonged with him… but he belongs to someone else.
And indeed we were perfect pieces of a puzzle but we belonged to different puzzles.
I understood that love…
Love was a sacrifice.
Love was like loving a flower that never blooms; you could never see the beauty of what we could have had.
Forever and always Suzume even if you’re not mine, remember that. 
I -I wasn’t mad at you for not wanting me…you just made me fall for you when you knew couldn’t catch me…
I guess- because where in the third planet we were not meant to be together but…
Maybe on another planet or universe we are meant to be.
Even though I don’t have his heart he will forever have mine…
I know I was wrong for breaking my promise but I also knew that it was right because it was with you. I always knew- that I would lose him at some point but I never really expected it to hurt this much. We were like the twenty-eight and the twenty-nine of February; very close but yet so far.