Beautiful (Completed!)

Broken

I go home that day with the thought of Circles, and what all my new friend, Ellyn had talked with me about. The slight opening up feeling that I had felt in my heart.

But it didn't seem to last very long. The next day at school things sort of went south. I try not to dwell on the thought.  The second I got home, I went straight to the box, with closed eyes and got some paper. This time the piece of paper I pulled out wasn't just a few sentences like all the others had been. This one was actually a few full pages of notebook paper, front and back.

Part of it went like this,

"I have had my own share of hard days. They can be hard when someone is trying to drag you down. Being disrespectful. Not listening to you, when you try to help out. Or just making fun of the way you do something. Trust me though, it's nothing to worry and dwell on. I chose a song  for you that I loved the first time I heard it. And as odd as it might seem, it has sort of been a comfort to me, coming back in my mind when I feel down and out.

Here are the words of the song:

Wake up to a sunny day

Not a cloud up in the sky

And then it starts to rain

My defenses hit the ground

And they shatter all around

So open and exposed

I found strength in the struggle

Face to face with my trouble

When you're broken in a million little pieces

And you're tryin' but you can't hold on anymore

Every tear falls down for a reason

Don't you stop believing in your self

When you're broken

Little, girl, don't be so blue

I know what you're goin' through

Don't let it beat you up

Hitting walls and getting scars only makes you who you are

Only makes you who you are

No matter how much your heart is aching

There is beauty in the breaking, yeah

When you're broken in a million little pieces

And you're tryin' but you can't hold on anymore

Every tear falls down for a reason

Don't you stop believing in your self

When you're broken

Better days are gonna find you once again

Every piece will find its place, when you're broken

When you're broken in a million little pieces

And you're tryin' but you can't hold on anymore

Every tear falls down for a reason

Don't you stop believing in your self

When you're broken, oh when you're broken, when you're broken

"

With that song in my mind I decided to make my way to one place I like to go, where I can feel a little escape. The library. I smiled a little when I saw the youngest of their staff, a girl in her early twenties, named Nicci. She was always helping others and requesting books. She wouldn't admit it herself, but I knew that she was the favorite of many of their patrons, including me.

"Hi, Nicci." I said coming up to where she was shelving books from her little blue cart.

Nicci gave me a weak smile. "Kristen." She doesn't say anything else but I can tell from her moist looking eyes that something is going on.

"What's wrong?" I ask, I have become more open to helping others since I got the box. And I really love the feeling of it.

"Stress." Nicci sighed. She glanced around. "Seems like today is one of those 'beat Nicci days' here. The first couple hours went good, and then after noon, one of my coworkers came back, so I gave her a message that had been left for her. She jumped down my throat and was just plain hateful. Then another blatanly ignored me when I was trying to help them, I got flustered at that point. Then the first one, came by when I was hiding like I have to eat a snack and she scoffed with, "What on earth are you eating?" I told her it was just an apple, and then she informed me that she hadn't ever seen anyone eat one like that. Not eating the skin of the apple. At this point, like I said, I was already feeling fed up. So I sort of smarted off, saying "Well I guess I am just weird then!" I know this all seems like baby stuff, probably but my camel had taken all it could carry."

She wiped her eyes, and I hugged her. I helped her shelf books and we talked a little bit. When I mentioned "today's song", she looked at me. "I love that song. I remember the first time I heard it." She started humming it, then smiled at me. "Thanks Kris. It meant a lot for you helping me today. So what sort of book are you looking for?" The regular Nicci was back. And it felt good to have been of service to her, for all she has done for me. The thought hit me as I got my books and was checking out that, I'm not the only one that feels broken sometimes. Even the strongest warriors have broken days.