The Diary of a Broken Person

January 4 2023

Cannot believe it's already 2023. I have been feeling really empty since the new year started. I feel clueless about my life and a tinge of suicidal thoughts creeping up on me, lol!

I live in a different country now, I came here for grad school. But it's really weird when I think about it. One might think a person so lives abroad might be organized and capable of adulting, but I am still the same. I feel miserable and always fantasize the thought of never being born in the first place. Life is strange, you come into this world without your own consent and then you are expected to follow societal rules, no matter how unfair they might be. I did think that I might be better of if I left my country but I think I am doing worse even-though I am very much independent here. My academics have never hit this rock bottom and everyday I'm failing at life.

I don't get the urge to do anything now. Waking up from bed and going to the washroom feels like an impossible chore. I keep laying in bed with no intention of getting up, even when I need to use the washroom. As I watch the day light fade away and darkness creep in, I move to turn the bed side light on but no intention of getting up from bed. I coax myself, make promises, try to motivate my body to just get up from the bed but all attempts fail. It feels like I have become paralyzed and the heaviness of the duvet holds me hostage.