Rainy thoughts W.I.P

Trapped in my thoughts (chapter 1)

Uh I didnt know how to cope with some *feelings* so I just kinda made up a character to say what I'm feeling instead of just saying it, I'm and now writing a book with them🤩 just a warning it does have triggers because it's just me putting my feelings into a Character ;-;

TRIGGER WARNINGS
Self harm
Rape
Child sexual abuse
Abuse

Star: As I sit there staring at the ceiling I wonder what life is anymore, then I start to wonder "who even am I anymore" I don't even know who I am I can't figure it out for the life of me and even if I tried I don't think I would be able to figure it out. It feels like I am more than just one person at this point, I don't know what this feeling is but it make me upset. So what did I do to make me feel better? I sit there and I cry, I cry and cry and cry until I have no more tears left to cry. I hate this feeling but there is no way to escape it, I want to be free I want to be okay but I don't know how anymore... then I start to realize why I'm so upset.. "it's the anniversary of him doing... it..." I say to myself as tears fall from my eyes. I can't believe it still.. I can't believe he would do something like that to a child.. and why me? I was his sister, he was supposed to protect me not hurt me, not do that to me... what did I ever do to him? Why did he do that? Was it my fault? Did I deserve it? Was I the reason he did that? I mean it's not like I wanted it I was 4 so I couldn't have stoped him.. but it feels like I should have been able to stop him, it makes me feel so shity to think about it..

Star: As I'm sitting there crying I look over to my nightstand and pull out a small white square container, I open the container and take out a small blade, I then pull up the shorts I was wearing and i start to cut my upper thigh, I cut and cut and cut until I cant cut anymore. The cuts are deep and bleeding a lot so I let out a sigh and cheek under my bed, I get paper towels and a water bottle. I wipe the blood away and look at the places where it's still bleeding and I open the water bottle and wet the paper towel and hold down the now damp paper towel on my bleeding thigh. I wait about 20 minutes for them to stop bleeding and I wipe away the blood one more time. I stand up and throw away the bloody damp paper towel in the trash can next to my desk and sit down at my desk, staring at the picture of me and my father and I start to cry again. Thinking to myself "why are you so mean now...? I used to be daddy's little girl... what happened?" I finally decide to go to bed..