Jenna Ortega Imagines

Grief

A/N: I'm sorry. I watched 'A star is born' for the 100th times and I needed to write something based on the song 'I'll never love again'.

All your grief said the same thing: this isn't how it supposed to be. And the world laughed, held your hope by your throat and said: but this is how it is. 

It's been 768 days since Jenna died. 

It's gonna get easier with time, they said. It never did. It just got harder and harder with time. 

You were full of anger. You were upset with the whole world and universe. You could've screamed from the top of your lungs. Why her? Why your Jenna? She didn't do anything wrong. She has never done anything wrong, then why her? 

All that because someone decided to drive under the influence. 

...and because of their stupid decision, the love of your life, the one you wanted to spend forever with is gone. 

You didn't say goodby to her. Of course you kissed her and said 'I love you' to her before she left your shared home that morning to go to work but you never would've thought it's gonna be the last time. 

The last time to see her sparkling brown eyes, her perfect, wavy hair, her beautiful smile. The last time to hear her say 'I love you, Y/N', the last time to feel her soft lips on yours, to feel her gentle touch on your skin. 

It's been 2 years and 38 days.

Sleeping became your favorite activity since then. That was the only way to forget about reality and see her. See her in your dreams and talk to her. You told her everything that has happened to you ever since she passed away. Sometimes, you didn't dream about her for weeks. You made sure to write everything down in your diary, reading it before bed, every single night just in case she decides to visit you. 

People kept telling you to move on, multiple times. There was no way you could betray Jenna like that. 

You didn't want to feel another touch. You didn't want to start another fire. You just couldn't. Even thinking about moving on felt wrong. 

You didn't want to know another kiss. You didn't want to give your heart away to another stranger. It was a 'once in a lifetime' thing for you. You let Jenna know you, hell, she knew you better than you knew yourself. 

How dared she die? How dared she leave you alone, leave you with this pain in your heart, body and soul? 

The worst part was that you knew you could be healed. But the person who could heal you is in a better place now. A place with no worry, no sorrow, no pain or problems. A place with no you. 

At first, you wanted to pretend that it's not true. It cannot be true that she's gone. She's gonna knock on your front door and say it was just a stupid joke. At first, of course, you would've been mad at her but she would've pulled you in her arms, kissed the top of your head and promised she's not going to do anything like that again. She would've slept on the couch that night but you would've immediately forgave her in the morning. You would've been grateful that she's there with you after all. 

But she didn't knock on your front door. Never again. 

So much has changed since she's been away. Her brother got married and had a beautiful baby girl. You wished Jenna would've met her. You just knew she would spoil her to death. 

Her mother saved someone's life while you had lunch with her at Jenna's favorite restaurant. She would've been so proud of Natalie. 

Aaliyah graduated high school and got accepted to a really great university. You wanted Jenna to be there and share her little sister's happiness. You all did wish. 

You wanted to ask her for advice. She always seemed to do what's right. You just wanted to talk to her until your worries were gone, just like you used to do when she was... with you. 

Deep down you knew her death wasn't goodbye. It was 'til we meet again'. 

You made a promise to yourself. Whoever comes in your life, you'll make sure they know who exactly she was. 

She was the love you always dreamed of. She was the sunshine on your darkest days. She was the right answer in every situation. She was everything. The best thing you've ever had. 

And she always will be. 

But at the end of the day, your grief was just love, a lot of love with no place to go anymore.