Heaven's On Fire |Dimebag Darrell

His Biggest Fan

January 21st, 1991

  Next two days had become torture. I mean, silent treatment can only go so long, especially when you work together. Two whole days where Darrell and I have not spoken a word towards each other. Barely sparing a look in each other's direction. Everyone could tell something had changed within our dynamic, guess we weren't really keeping it to ourselves. Another thing that had changed was my friendship with Grady, since what had happened, he has been giving both me and Darrell the cold shoulder. Thinking he was upset about this was an understatement.

  At this point I was stuck working with people who were not talking to me. Well, maybe one. Darrell has tried a handful of times to speak with me alone but each time I just ignored his requests. I was hurt, embarrassed, and for the most confused. Where did our friendship stand and where the hell does it go from here? I had spent most of my free time hanging out with Lenny. At least he never cares to question me, shit he had no clue what was going on simply because he was part of another crew.

 Vinnie informed me that Ronnie was illegally here when officers responded to the confrontation that we had with him. Ronnie explained he was here on official FBI business when he wasn't at all, they caught his lies instantly when they were questioning him. In fact, they discovered that he had use his FBI resources to trace my credit card and track me down without clearance from his higher ups, they had no clue he was even out of the country. Dumb ass. They ordered him to head back to the states where his employers would be notified and waiting for his return.  Because of this Phil was never arrested. That and Vinnie had begged profusely. 

  These last few days I have spent time with Phil, Vinnie and Rex as much as I could but was hard to do so when Darrell was around. Vinnie tries to not take sides but at the end of the day Darrell was his little brother, I couldn't be upset over that. Being in the RV was hard at time, there were moments where Darrell and I had bumped into one each other from passing by. Getting a hint of his scent or just a small moment of feeling his touch, it was as though life was trying to mock me to my face. There were dreams where all I saw was his face. There was no escaping the "Dimebag Darrell" I guess.

  What was harder to see was what went on after the shows. In such a short time, groupies grew and began swarming the guys. Darrell never really ever entertained the women but these last few days he began to socialize with them more. Looking as though he was enjoying the attention even. Wish I could say that this didn't affect me one bit, but I would be lying to myself. Jealousy was not a good look on anyone, yet here I was, just covered in it. I wanted so badly to have a reason to tell these hussies to piss off, but I had no claim on Darrell. I was just there. The only two things that got me through the night was Lenny and a lot of drinking. 

  Why did Darrell not mind the company of these easy women, but I was not worth his time? Guess that was just the life of rock and roll, drugs and women. What throws me for a loop is the fact that Darrell was the one who kissed me, but I was the one punished? Tonight, was another show and I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. I was missing Grady, and I knew that I needed to fix whatever was going on. This was my responsibility. Running my fingers through my curls to help liven them up a bit, I went looking for the guitar tech, usually he was someone with a force of habit. Heading towards our station that we had rigged up ourselves, I easily spotted him going over Darrell's equipment. Oddly enough, Darrell was there with him which was not what I was expecting at all. 

  "Anything I can help with?" asking as I hoped that this may help break the ice, to get Grady to actually talk to me. Grady looked up from what he had been doing before scanning the area around him, "Uh I don't think I have anything for you right now," shrugging my offer off. "Ouch" I thought to myself, seeing him completely blow me off. This was not the Grady I knew; I didn't like this Grady one bit. From the corner of my eye, I could see Darrell look over at us, he too was feeling the negative effects from his best friend. These two have known each other for a long time, this was hurting Darrell just as much as it was hurting me. What have I done?