Best of 2 broke girls

SEASON 1

1)Max- No dude we are not on the same  

 I wear knit hats when its cold outside, you wear knit hats coz of Coldplay 

 you got a tattoo to piss off your dad, my dad doesn't know he's my dad

2)Max-  You think (snaps fingers) this is the sound that gets you service, i think (snaps fingers) this is the sound that dries up my vagina.

3)Max- I'm dead inside 

 Caroline- You make that pretty obvious

4)Earl - This girl is working harder than Stephen hawking putting on a pair of cufflinks

5)Caroline- I drunk Caroline am a punk ass hoe I promise to keep my big mouth shut and promise to replace Max's poor people chips. I will no longer meddle in her relationchips

6)Earl- That lady just slipped me her number like I need another menopausal white woman scratching at my window like a cat in heat

7)Oleg- There's more salami where that came from 😉

8)Max- Clever bitches hide stuff they wanna come back and buy because sometimes they don't have 3 dollars to buy it at the time  

 Caroline- Who doesn't have 3 dollars

 Max- You

9)Max- I did react when you cried I rolled my eyes

10)Max- Turn your back on the rack you're under attack

11)Caroline- These aren't extensions bitch

12) Max- You are literally a 5 dollar hoe right now

13) Caroline- I look like a Cambodian stripper, the nail artist forced me to get these tips and tip her on these tips

14)Some bitch at the Goodwill- You snooze you lose puta(bitch) 

Max- You kiss your obviously closeted boyfriend with that mouth 

Caroline- Your boyfriend will come out before that borscht stain does

15)Earl- Max we got big trouble from little China

16)Max- The medical term for you is overly dramatic. Yesterday you freaked out that coz we had no toilet paper. Just hold it in until you get to work like a normal person. Jeez

17)Max- Your clothes have a house. OMG 😱 you have a shoes rotisserie . You have a museum in your bathroom. I knew you were rich but..🤐

18) Max- Han you look like a lesbian I once made out on a dare with

19)Max- Sorry dude looks like this little tip just lost you the chance to give her your little tip

20)Max- Max's homemade cupcakes, this name sucks a big one, homemade sounds like homeschooled, like we are churning out cupcakes that aren't  comfortable around other people.

21)Max- Don't say your real thoughts                                                                                                                            Don't say your real thoughts 

22)Max- You don't get a bitch pass just coz you're old. You come in here with your gangster granny attitude thinking you can get away with dumping all over the lowly gypsy waitress. NO WAY. At this diner we don't discriminate due to age. If you're gonna act like an ass I'm gonna treat you like an ass.

23)Max- Oleg you may now call me COUNTESS MAX OF THE FABULOUS CUPCAKES  

Oleg- and you may call me sir Oleg of the amazing party in my pants

24)Han- If the call is after 2:30, call is for the dirty

25)Oleg- Max, I would like to offer you rebound sex, if not I can just beat the crap out of him

26)Max- Homeless or hipster pop quiz           

  hipsters wear- skinny jeans and homeless wear- dirty jeans                         

hipsters listen to- radiohead and homeless listen to - the voices in their head      

 hipsters have- a beard and a blog and homeless have- beard and so much sadness

27)Cash for gold employee- Miss Channing, its called cash for gold not sympathy for flat chicks

28)Max- Shame is overrated like Kesha. In fact they should rename shame as "Keshame"

29)Earl- Mac you are the Norma Rae of feminine hygiene 

30)Caroline- In 2009 when Katy Perry kissed a girl and liked it, I kissed a girl and didn't

31)Max- Oooh that was like a game of rock, paper and pervert

32)Caroline- Yesss, that guy put the abs i Abercrombie

33)Han- I need to cut the crap, valentines dinner was a bust. I sacrificed my manhood for no cash value