1)Max- No dude we are not on the same
I wear knit hats when its cold outside, you wear knit hats coz of Coldplay
you got a tattoo to piss off your dad, my dad doesn't know he's my dad
2)Max- You think (snaps fingers) this is the sound that gets you service, i think (snaps fingers) this is the sound that dries up my vagina.
3)Max- I'm dead inside
Caroline- You make that pretty obvious
4)Earl - This girl is working harder than Stephen hawking putting on a pair of cufflinks
5)Caroline- I drunk Caroline am a punk ass hoe I promise to keep my big mouth shut and promise to replace Max's poor people chips. I will no longer meddle in her relationchips
6)Earl- That lady just slipped me her number like I need another menopausal white woman scratching at my window like a cat in heat
7)Oleg- There's more salami where that came from 😉
8)Max- Clever bitches hide stuff they wanna come back and buy because sometimes they don't have 3 dollars to buy it at the time
Caroline- Who doesn't have 3 dollars
Max- You
9)Max- I did react when you cried I rolled my eyes
10)Max- Turn your back on the rack you're under attack
11)Caroline- These aren't extensions bitch
12) Max- You are literally a 5 dollar hoe right now
13) Caroline- I look like a Cambodian stripper, the nail artist forced me to get these tips and tip her on these tips
14)Some bitch at the Goodwill- You snooze you lose puta(bitch)
Max- You kiss your obviously closeted boyfriend with that mouth
Caroline- Your boyfriend will come out before that borscht stain does
15)Earl- Max we got big trouble from little China
16)Max- The medical term for you is overly dramatic. Yesterday you freaked out that coz we had no toilet paper. Just hold it in until you get to work like a normal person. Jeez
17)Max- Your clothes have a house. OMG 😱 you have a shoes rotisserie . You have a museum in your bathroom. I knew you were rich but..🤐
18) Max- Han you look like a lesbian I once made out on a dare with
19)Max- Sorry dude looks like this little tip just lost you the chance to give her your little tip
20)Max- Max's homemade cupcakes, this name sucks a big one, homemade sounds like homeschooled, like we are churning out cupcakes that aren't comfortable around other people.
21)Max- Don't say your real thoughts Don't say your real thoughts
22)Max- You don't get a bitch pass just coz you're old. You come in here with your gangster granny attitude thinking you can get away with dumping all over the lowly gypsy waitress. NO WAY. At this diner we don't discriminate due to age. If you're gonna act like an ass I'm gonna treat you like an ass.
23)Max- Oleg you may now call me COUNTESS MAX OF THE FABULOUS CUPCAKES
Oleg- and you may call me sir Oleg of the amazing party in my pants
24)Han- If the call is after 2:30, call is for the dirty
25)Oleg- Max, I would like to offer you rebound sex, if not I can just beat the crap out of him
26)Max- Homeless or hipster pop quiz
hipsters wear- skinny jeans and homeless wear- dirty jeans
hipsters listen to- radiohead and homeless listen to - the voices in their head
hipsters have- a beard and a blog and homeless have- beard and so much sadness
27)Cash for gold employee- Miss Channing, its called cash for gold not sympathy for flat chicks
28)Max- Shame is overrated like Kesha. In fact they should rename shame as "Keshame"
29)Earl- Mac you are the Norma Rae of feminine hygiene
30)Caroline- In 2009 when Katy Perry kissed a girl and liked it, I kissed a girl and didn't
31)Max- Oooh that was like a game of rock, paper and pervert
32)Caroline- Yesss, that guy put the abs i Abercrombie
33)Han- I need to cut the crap, valentines dinner was a bust. I sacrificed my manhood for no cash value
YOU ARE READING
Best of 2 broke girls
HumorWhen Caroline got stripped off all her money due to the ponzi scheme, she meets Max, a waitress at a diner in Brooklyn who can make a mean cupcake. Together they open a cupcake business. This book is a compilation of the hilarious and witty lines in...