A Week with Katherine

Diary Entry #3

Dear Whoever,

When did I become such a sucky person?

I should know better than most people how it feels to be used and there I was using Jamie (aka Jameson) so I could avoid thinking about the things I don't want to anymore.

Let me explain, I had successfully gotten Jamie to skip school to hang out with me again today. We went to the beach.

And I wish I could say everything had been perfect but it wasn't. I couldn't shake the guilt I was feeling away.

When I had invited him along I could tell that for some reason he trusted me. And, it wasn't just in my head because just as I started thinking about Kayla and Dad again Jamie said the sweetest thing.

He had thanked me for inviting him along as if I did it out of kindness and he seemed to really mean it. I could tell just from the look on his face how much it had meant to him.

It was so sadly sweet it made my teeth ache.

My hope had been right, Jamie did need a friend and there I was pretending to be one for my own selfish interest.

It made me feel sick of myself.

Especially because I think Jamie might be the nicest or at least the easiest person to talk to that I've ever met.

He asked me about my necklace and I was able to talk about it without feeling anything bad. The same goes for the creek water.

Something about him not only distracts me but makes me feel relaxed.

It's nice to feel like I'm not being judged for every little thing that I say or do.

So, I've decided from now I'm going to try and actually be not just a friend but a good one to him.

Everyone gets tired of me eventually, so I'll try my best to be there for Jamie as long as he wants me to be.

Guilty,

Katherine