"It's one of those shows I know you've seen..
the one with the babies and the moms that are teens.
For a while you might've made me believe,
that only a speckle of starlight could have been seen.
I'm much more than that as you can see,
I'm on my way to finding me.
Though the journey is long & wee,
I will no longer allow society to be me.
If you could look past this sheet,
you would see a brilliant young woman waiting to be.
Nothing high & nothing low.
This stream I'm on, is for me to row."
- Swan Bailey
"Stay awake, Vix. Hey, look at me." Morocco softly patted my cheeks as my eyes blurred and then regained focus once more.
Everything hurt. There I was, sprawled out across the locker room floor fighting to stay alive. Moments before, I was fighting, but now, I'm only fighting to stay alive. I couldn't look down again, the first time was too much. The memory of all this would be etched into my brain for forever. My hands and abdomen were covered in my own blood. The room's scent of perfume and hot flat irons was changed to the metallic scent of blood. I kept my eyes fixed on the three girls surrounding me, everyone's facial expression told me how bad it actually was.
Everything from minutes before seemed so stupid. I was instantly regretting working that night because I had every intention of staying home with my son because I missed him and I knew he missed me. Coming to this club cost me so many precious moments with him. I just wanted to put him to bed, watch him fade away to sleep, and feel the warmth coming from his small body.
I was at home in my bed with my son when Blackberry gave me a call saying that it was some real money in the club on a Wednesday night! Wednesdays were usually a pretty slow night for Blue Magik, but when Blackberry told me that it was some real money in the VIP sections, I just knew I needed to be in the building. I called TiSean's babysitter, and immediately packed a bag for him and grabbed my dancer bag. Why did I do that?
Looking up at all the faces looking down on me, I truly was hurt and angry that none of those faces belonged to Blackberry. I started to cry from the embarrassment, the fear, the pain, everything. I wiped the tear from my face, replacing the tears with blood. The pain from my abdomen was partnered with a breeze that consisted of a cold that I had never felt before.
"It's okay, mamas. Just stay awake." Si-Si, one of the women surrounding me, encouraged.
"Back here, back here." Curt exclaimed. Curt was the owner of the Blue Magik, and the person who taught me the ropes of breaking niggas down. He wasn't all that, but he was cool when he wanted to be. Curt waved the EMTs to the locker room, and held the door open for them. In rushed two emergency responders with one of them pushing a gurney. The girls quickly dispersed and moved out of the way for the emergency responders to get to me.
I started crying again, this time hyperventilating. Everything was fading around me from vision to sound, and I knew I couldn't hold on much longer. I had lost so much blood, and I was tired. And just like that, everything I knew went black.
I've been conflicted with the dilemma of selling my trauma or holding it in for only my tears to see, but I've learned that there is so much pain that every dancer lives to see. Let me be clear, I am not looking for sympathy now nor will I ever, and I wasn't looking for it then when I decided to grace a stage with my presence. I simply want everyone to see the highs and lows that are given to us just like the moves on a pole. Everybody thinks this shit is all exotic dance moves, money, and cute shoes, but the adversity that one faces in this lifestyle is enough to euthanize an elephant.
Where it All Began
[end of snippet]
The Vixen Diaries is available for purchase. To purchase, please visit gumroad.com and search First Class Ash - The Vixen Diaries. Each chapter is $1 a chapter, and there are 24 chapters total. Another way to access the website is via the external link listed down below beside the social media tabs. You could also purchase via this link: https://atjlpresents.gumroad.com/?_ga=2.209473178.902754683.1675090866-914425957.1674773833&_gl=1*hx2q2z*_ga*OTE0NDI1OTU3LjE2NzQ3NzM4MzM.*_ga_6LJN6D94N6*MTY3NTI3MDY0Ny4xNi4xLjE2NzUyNzA2NjYuMC4wLjA.
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The Vixen Diaries
General Fiction"Money was getting tough, and the only jobs I could secure was fast food and service industry jobs, but that was bullshit compared to the life I was accustomed to living. Between the hotel, car note, TiSean, putting money on Trevis's books, and TiSe...
