Haikyū!! X Male reader

Kozume Kenma x Trans Male Reader

Reader has bad dysphoria
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Today was not your day. Waking up and barely having the strength to get out of bed should've been a sign that maybe it would've been better to just lay down all day, but those grades weren't going to raise themselves, unfortunately. You tried to not look down while you took off your shirt and picked up your binder, you could already feel them and you didn't want to see them. Tugging on your binder (and stubbing your toe on your dresser) you walked back over to your dresser to get your uniform. You paused at the mirror. 'Oh, it's one of those days. Fuck.' You thought as you couldn't help but have your eyes travel down, turning to the side. 'That... doesn't look right.' You couldn't do this, you just wanted to crawl up in bed and cry.

'This isn't right,' you thought, staring into the mirror. 'Just... just today. It's just for today and tomorrow will be better.' You forced yourself to get dressed and walked out the door.
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'It's fine. I'm fine. I'm cool. I am the chilliest person on the planet... I want to cry.' You thought it would go away by now, but you couldn't help but feel the anxiety rise as the feelings of despair crawled up you stomach. 'Just a couple more minutes. Just a couple more minutes and Kenma will be with me and everything will be fine. Everything will be A-OK.' The lump in your throat hasn't gone away, ready to POP at any wrong move. Your chest felt tighter than usual, you had no motivation to any of your school work and god knows you're definitely not going to be able to focus in volleyball. 'Volleyball... shit we have volleyball. I hope Kuroo doesn't mind that I'm ditching.' You thought as the bell rang.

You packed your bag and walked out of your classroom as fast as you can, texting Kenma.

😩(Y/N)😩: Hey, ditch volley w/ me       15:15

😾Kenma😾: Sumthn wrong?       15:15

😩(Y/N)😩: One of those days, yknow       15:16

You saw Kenma read your text as you put your phone away, leaning against a stray lamp trying to distract yourself with the sky. "Hey," Kenma walked up beside you. You put your head on his shoulder, trying not to let your thoughts (and feelings) get to you. "You wanna come over?" You loved how soft he sounded, maybe even a little jealous. But that's a thought for later. "Yeah, that'll be nice."

The walk to Kenma's house was quiet, the only sound heard was from the cars that passed by and the people around you. Kenma unlocked his door, letting you in before walking in himself. You both took your shoes off before going to Kenma's room. "Do you want to change?" He asked as you flopped down on his bed, "Not really."

"(Y/N), what about your binder? You've been wearing it for most of the day." The lump in your throat got bigger, "I know." You cursed at whatever god who dared listen to you for your voice crack. Your vision blurred from the tears, you didn't want Kenma to see you like this, even if you've been dating for awhile now. The bed beside you dipped down under his weight, and you felt him rubbing your back. "I'm sorry for bringing it up, I just don't want you to hurt yourself." You got to your knees before putting your head on his shoulder, hands around his waist as his where around your neck. "It's not your fault, just a shitty day." Trying to sound as normal as you could, you couldn't stop the tears from leaving your eyes.

"I just... I'm just so tired of this," you cried into his shoulder, "I hate having to wake up to this!" He rubbed your back. He didn't know what it felt like to grow up in the wrong body, to experience the never ending pit of self hatred, depression, and anxiety. He didn't know any of it, but he wanted to help. "I just- I just want to be a real man!" Your throat burned and you could feel the headache starting to form, "(Y/N), you are a real man." "B-but-" "(Y/N), being a real man has nothing to do with having a dick or not. It's about standing up to bullies and- and not tearing other people down," He had no idea what he was saying, but he hoped it was right.

"What I'm trying to say is, you're already a real man because you say you are." You cried harder, hugged him harder, buried you head as deep as you could into his shoulder. Kenma slid down the bed to get in a more comfortable position and moved you beside him before laying down. You hugged him, face buried in his chest and crying dying down. You sat in silence with the occasional hiccup with Kenma stroking your back, "Thanks, Kenma." You yawned, "No problem, (Y/N). I love you." He closed his eyes, still stroking your back. "I love you, too."

"You still need to switch out of your binder, it's not healthy." "God damn it."