Serendipity (A BossNoeul story)

Rewind

Noeul found himself alone in the car, a huge grin on his face. He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there smiling to himself, but Boss was out of sight so it had to have been a few minutes at least. He allowed himself a few more seconds of the warm feeling in his chest and on his cheeks before he took a steadying breath and headed for home. He tried to just focus on driving but the sensation of Boss's mouth on his kept flooding his thoughts.

It was definitely different than it had been on set. He had always been sure that he was so deep into Rain that he just let that take over. He was sure he had disassociated in some of those moments because watching them back in the edit of the episode there were things he had forgotten he had done altogether. He even found out later that they had cut things from the scenes they shot for being too sexy. Now he believed that.

He had clearly been lost in thought because his front door seemed to suddenly appear in front of him; he dug the key out of his pocket, grounding him back in reality.

Taking a seat on the small sofa where this strange awakening began he sat to reconsider everything that had happened. That day when they were goofing around, when Boss first made that sound...

Noeul had pretended not to notice. Pretended everything was fine and normal, and nothing was going to change if he just let it stay the same. He had shut out any of those thoughts at the first sign. He made excuses and justified every action with some logic he convinced himself made more sense.There was nothing to consider. It was Boss. His dearest friend. His comfort person. His partner in all of this. He had ignored things even though they nagged at him in little ways. He had twisted the narrative to be about Payu and Rain. He wanted so badly for any of those things to be true. He wanted to force himself to see all the other angles, but the most likely one.

When he kissed Boss last night it was completely for selfish reasons, and he knew it as soon as he did it. That was why he couldn't chase him down the hallway and to the car. He had needed to know. He was compelled to test himself. He hadn't been prepared to accept the answer, however.

Noeul had really wanted to be right. Not just for Boss, but for himself. Dyeing his hair wasn't a solution, he knew that, but he went along deceiving himself into believing it could be a distraction. He convinced himself Boss felt only the desire for Rain. He convinced himself it was just Rain inside of him that needed the Payu inside of Boss. That's why he sat parked outside of Boss's building for 45 minutes waiting for him to get home that afternoon. He needed to know as soon as possible, if it was him. He needed to not want Boss in the way he did. But when they kissed for real, it was like that little flicker he sheltered so closely was burning his whole body down to get free.

He tried to force those feelings down. He didn't want to lose himself in those kisses. He tried to recall how he had felt in those moments that he was Rain. He wanted to remember how he had felt letting Rain kiss Payu, but all he did was open his own eyes to what had always been inside him. A part of him feared Boss was doing the same, so he played it off with a teasing remark.

Noeul didn't express his emotions easily, it was something he knew about himself, it was his constant struggle with acting. They always asked for more, for bigger, and he tried to find the way to express it naturally from within, but it just wasn't something he was good at tapping into without a lot of work. The one time he didn't have to dig for anything was when he was kissing Boss. When he was touching Boss. When Boss was touching him. He didn't think then, he just let go. He just enjoyed the moment. He felt comfortable. He felt safe. He felt loved. Maybe...

Noeul was reminded of how easily he had climbed astride Boss's lap today.

If he had let himself, he would have stayed in those kisses for hours. What a terrifying thought.