Drained and empty

I never tell anyone the way I feel and my emotions cuz I feel like if I do they will think I'm crazy or dramatic and seeking for attention. I always have to say I'm fine even when I'm not because I'm scared to hear what people say and think about me. For me it's hard I could just always feel so god damn empty inside and don't know what do ever.it's just so hurtful as I have to fake being happy even though I'm not  it's hard to know what I feel like as it feels like it all the same. I don't know know why I feel like this I just do if someone asked me why i  would say idk why do I feel like shit . I have no reason to be shitty but I just am. Everyday at I'm in bed wondering what I'm doing and cry silently for hours hoping no one comes upstairs. One thing I learnt from having a shit childhood is knowing who is walking close by the footsteps on the person. They are all different in many ways but if you know who could be outside your door I feel sorry for you. At just random times on the day I could just picture my dreams and my old memories of my sad life as a child. To think I was so happy but on the other side fear, scared drained I usually get this one image of my mum hitting my brother and my mum and dad having all these arguments falling out of love. Even sometimes my dad slept in my bed with me to make sure I was ok and not hurting. And when you finally find out why one of your parents always sleeps on the sofa instead of a bed just hits hard that was one of the signs I knew before the parting. When you have a shitty hood you eventually know all the signs of parents falling out of love mine were seeing then not talk as much, my mum always sitting outside, my mum on the sofa at night, the arguing. And the day they tell you hurts the most. Everyday of the week I feel drained and like nothing but being called lazy I do so much to make myself happy but just fall apart all alone in my dark cold room. I take all these tests about different emotions bewitch positive results. And finally knowing you are the glass child. What is a glass child well when you have another sibling who get more attention because of their behaviour and problems. And your parents thinking your the good child who does everything right feels happy all times but no they are secretly dying inside for fear sad emotions emptiness drained but don't show it. I don't blame my brother for it he has always been a great person and brother I love him and it's not his fault for what I am it's just who I am and myself feeling shit about my life.

My grammar might not be right this was a bit rushed