Blame Me

Valentines

The cool breeze blew so tendering. The sorching isn't hot as most days of the year, in fact, its a lovely weather for a beautiful stroll around this time. The lotuses are blooming around the late with much harvest than the previous years, truly is an exception, isn't it? Even the sight of it, no one would have their mouths close on how pretty the sightseeings are.

Though, not all happy days are joyful at all. In the Lotus Pier, stands a man, with purple robes and scowling expression. He seems in a bit of daze, even in this bustling summer day, his view isn't what as anyone would think it is. Deep down, he's a man with whirlpool of emotions mixed as one.

Although, it's already have been 4 months since the siege at the Yiling Laozu. There's something in him felt guilty and unease whenever anyone would mention about Yiling, he would take punishment to those who utter a single word about it. Part of him felt hatred, while half of it felt dread. Come think of it, its "that" anniversary.

"Da-!" a wail from behind caught the attention of this said man. He turned around to see his nephew in the arms of the nanny, simply, calling for him.

"Jiang-zongzhu." the nanny greets him while still carrying the babe. "Jin-gongzi is looking for you."

Jiang Wanyin glances at his nephew, and took him at his arms, "You can leave us." he said to the nanny.

The nanny then left the two, bowing her head, as she disappears within their sight.

"A-Ling, were you looking for me?" the sect leader asks.

The baby smiles at him, swinging his arms in hopes for the company of his uncle.

Jiang Wanyin sighs, he grins at the sight of the child. He held Jin Ling high up in the air, and the child goes laughing with the brightest smiles he had.

He didn't knew if he ever deserved hearing that laughter. It felt so wrong. So wrong, that Jiang Wanyin blames himself for being weak. Weak enough to let his sister die. So is her husband. Leaving their only son an orphan. And weak enough, that he couldn't take Wei Wuxian back at Lotus Pier with him. He already lost them all. And now, he can't risk losing another one again.

Jiang Wanyin snapped those thoughts away, focusing towards his nephew, his one and only hope to continue on living.

.

That night, Jiang Wanyin had already tucked Jin Ling to sleep. Letting the babe drift in his own little world, hoping to dream about his parents holding him.

Jiang Wanyin felt like crying at the sight, but he let his nephew be and went back to his quarters. Upon entering, he felt dread deep down. The cool night breeze swirls from the window, it's not chilly enough to make him shiver. He sighs, flopping against his bed and his mind drifts away from his own thoughts.

About the fall of Lotus Pier, burning to the ground. The sight of his parents, dying at the Wens' hands. His own shixiong using demonic cultivation. His brother-in-law's death in the hands of the Gui Jiangjun. His sister's last moments. And, his shixiong's final breaths before ending his own life. Worst of all, the maiden, he once tried to save.

All because of his own pride, would that justify him as a human? Would that bring back the people he held dear the most? Can it even strip his guilt away? No. It won't change everything, even if he wanted to. Bygone were supposed to be bygones after all.

His mind lingers as he fall asleep, the numb from his chest hasn't come off, even if he tried. Its no use when he did. Jiang Wanyin caught himself somewhere dark. HIs back felt the cold shivers down his spine, mist-like smoke engulf his visions, enough for him not to see clearly. He probably dreamt another nightmare of his own.