Faking It

Chapter 20: Sure Thing, Boyfriend

Later that evening, I couldn't quite bring myself to openly wear the sweatshirt with Theo's name and jersey number emblazoned beneath the Kingsbridge crest. It felt way too much like I was territory being marked. But thus far, his plan had worked, so rather than dump it in my room, instead I wore it unzipped, the lapel folded over to hide the fact that it was his. It smelled like him, though, and as much as I hated to admit it, that wasn't such a terrible thing. A hint of his cologne and the scent that was decidedly Theo—mown grass and autumn air—was at least better than sweaty gym bag or old, musty laundry.

On my way to the library, I scrolled through my Instagram notifications, grinning like a fool at my screen. William had liked three of my more recent pictures. Not the one with his brother, though. That one was blowing up after Theo had regrammed it. After a snide I give it two weeks before he realizes she's trash from Emma, though, I'd stopped looking at the comments.

Instead, I scrolled through all the pictures tagged #ClamBaked, the hashtag from Connor Weatherington's beach party. I hated the way my stomach dipped every time there was one of Madeleine and William. Worse, I hated the one that Madeleine had posted this morning, of her and William huddled together on a piece of driftwood, in front of a bonfire. He was grinning down at her as she smiled at the camera, both of their faces etched in gold and perfect. The caption was what drove the knife into my stomach, though: Be mine ❤️

It was an awful mix of panic and stomach-twisting envy. Panic that maybe I was too late and had to act now or never. Envy that she had the guts to post something like that, and doubly so because it was about someone like William. I'm pretty sure if I ever posted something that cheesy, Emma would rake me straight over the coals. Knowing her, she'd probably summon an army of trolls to take me down, too. But from Madeleine, it wasn't cheesy. It was longing and romantic and perfectly fit the vibe of her page, where all her shots were filtered into a soft, feminine palette of pale-hued pretty things and people. William fit right in, with his perfect face and handsome smile. They looked like they fit together, and that stirred my envy into something more potent.

Stomach still twisting, I scrolled back to my page, where Theo's picture was still steadily racking up engagement. It wasn't a particularly pretty pic, but it was fun. It looked like we were happy. More importantly, it looked like we were real. But we weren't, and that gave me hope. Maybe Madeleine's post was just a super public version of a vision board, trying to manifest what she wanted from the universe. That, or she was keen on tricking her followers into thinking she dated guys like William who perfectly fit the aesthetic of her rich, pretty life.

Or maybe I just had to stop thinking about this altogether.  Envy—of, if I was honest, jealousy—wasn't going to do me any favors. Scrolling some other girl's flawless Instagram was absolutely not going to make me feel better about myself. Especially when she was attempting to lay claim to the guy I had my eye on too. For the barest of moments, I considered blocking her so I wouldn't be tempted to doom-scroll her profile. But then I had a vision of Theo's reaction, of the way he'd shake his head in utter disbelief and demand, "What the hell were you thinking, Emdubs? Could you be any more obvious?"

It made me smile and swipe away from Madeleine's profile.

My phone was still in my hand when I pushed open the usual study room door and found William standing, waiting for me.

"Hey." He smiled, then to my utter surprise, leaned in for a hug. "Heard you guys had a rough game this weekend."

I was so shocked that I stood still, as stiff as a board, and didn't lean into his soft, gray sweater. I wasn't even able to enjoy the hug and savor the smell of him the way I'd daydreamed of doing so annoyingly often. It was over so quickly that by the time I'd processed what was happening, he'd released me and returned to his side of the table. That didn't stop my heart from hammering, though, and I could already feel the flush climbing my neck as I took the seat across from him.