limits. | satosugu

5. touch.

A/N: Originally posted this to my JJK oneshots book in December originally cause it felt seperate from limits (1-4) but thennn I made a second part to this and I was like fuck it lemme add it to this instead.

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𝖙𝖔𝖚𝖈𝖍

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The black collar fits snugly around his neck. With every breath, Satoru becomes more aware of its presence. He breathes deep. In, and out. It's not tight enough to make the act of breathing wholly uncomfortable. It makes it so that he cannot breathe without being reminded that it is there. Suguru asks if it's fine, and when Satoru says it is, he doesn't take his answer as a definitive. He'll also make sure of it himself. He goes up the side of his neck, placing two fingers under the collar. Satoru recognizes his satisfaction by the way he drags his body forward, leading him closer just an inch from his lips.

The sudden act makes him swallow, there's a dangerously calm look in his lover's eyes. Whenever he got like this, it was almost as though he was a different person entirely. When Satoru asks, Suguru will do whatever he needs.

There was a tremor in his psyche ever since what occurred yesterday. It showed Satoru side of himself that he always knew was there. Underneath his painted surface. Suguru was the only one who even knew this part of him existed.

Without him, right about now he'd be alone. Trying not to feel anything at all with no idea how. He would be in his old apartment, guarded by his ever-present infinity.

When he was trying to feel nothing his Six Eyes would be active. Informing him of all the negligible things he normally could filter out without even thinking. The shifting and words uttered by the people downstairs, the hum of electricity in the walls. When he felt overwhelmed, lost, panicked or depressed, everything got exponentially worse.

The only time his abilities were manageable and not completely debilitating was when he was fighting against curses. When he could let loose he felt free, but as he got older those instances became fewer and fewer as curses got easier to exorcise. He was having an easier time fighting but his powers only grew stronger.

He couldn't deal with it by himself anymore, so if Suguru wasn't here, he wasn't sure what he would do.

When he arrived at the doorstep, for a second he debated going in at all. His hands felt stained with blood that never touched him. A scream he heard, and the still pin-drop silence succeeding it. He doesn't feel guilty, not really. He couldn't pretend he did if Suguru knew. If Satoru told him, he was afraid of what he'd say.

Would he finally look at him the way he pretended not to see others did? With that repugnance, something they don't even realize they're doing. Once they see his strength, then his aloof attitude knowing he's the strongest. They're disgusted by his overwhelming power because they wouldn't dare let it show what it really is. It's fear. Primal and instinctual. They fear him.

Most of the time he feels numb. He feels everything to the degree of feeling nothing at all. But he feels free in submission.

He wants Suguru to take it from him. All of his control and power.

He didn't tell Suguru what happened, but they knew it must be something especially bad. He put off asking for now, carefully assessing whether or not he was in too detrimental of a mindset for this.

Satoru was so glad his partner didn't ask. He didn't want to go over it again. At some point, he had to tell him. Communicating with Suguru was something he was still working on but that would come later. Right now he just needed to not be aware.